Violets & You Are So Blue

I look into your eyes,

once piercing clear

Foggy & abandoned. 

& you lie to me

"I'm great, how are you?"

I believe in you, 

like a fairy tale's promise.

Innocent & simple. 

But you lie to me. 

"I love you"

You can't imagine I'm on your side

You protest & decide 

It's not worth it. 

So you lie to me. 

"It's going to be okay, I swear"

So I'll amuse you. 

I'll see your hazy eyes &

Still think you're beautiful. 

Because I'm lying to you. 

"I'm great, thanks for asking"

It'll all work out 

Can't you see it?

Look past these tears 

Let's just stop lying. 

"A promise is a promise" 

Paint splatter

I am going to make mistakes, gain weight, fail tests, be broken hearted & I'm going to be so mad I want to sleep all day.
& all of that is okay because life is a journey; life is a hurtful, twisting, stomach upsetting,PAINFUL experience,
But it's also miraculously perfect if we let it be.

sweet sorrow

Seas were calm & the breeze was peace.
Life as you knew it was as close as it's definition : perfect.
Skating past outlets of hurt and heartache.
Blind to the cruelty your planet had to offer.
Suddenly.
Abruptly.
Prematurely.
The core of your world was rocked and wrecked.
Your heart bleeding out while you desperately look for a foothold.
Abandoned in this hurricane of chaos as the sky turns it's back.
Black and brewing, it's apparent your soul is soon to give way.
Unexpectedly you're cold and lifeless yet still breathing.
Gravity holds you down & demands perfected existence.
Paralyzed by fear you can walk only alone.
Never again will that peaceful breeze overtake you.
Sweet surrender into the lapping waves will never dampen your hair or flavor your skin with it's salty sweetness.
Cold and overflowing with silent sorrow.
& the burning magma of your broken center is all to blame.

aimless attempts at it

and then you whispered, "i love you".
the three words that would cripple my heart and wreck my world.
i packed my bags.
no one would have ever known how deep your love really burned my soul.
i was even blind to the long-term side effects.
running seemed to be the best option, because you claimed boundless and undying love.
distance seemed safe.
you disguised your selfish consistency as something we all desire: intimacy. 
blind and hopelessly looking for validation, i fell.
I thought maybe there could be a chance that this was what it really looked like.
but, blind.
you are acid.
corroding what used to be solid.
quicksand, i lost my footing and was swept away & under the wake of your self absorbed mission.
blind and alone & i hear you whisper.
"i love you".
now i leave and you have no control on my heart, nor my footsteps.
your words are just that.
pitiful, desperate attempts to tame & chain.
i'll slip into your quicksand and away from your grip.
you are acid,
and i'm invincible.

on the count of three

we are all scared of it: The unknown.
rightly so, because it has the power to uproot--to heave us in an opposite direction while simultaneously preparing us a path.
some of us seek it.
as if to have climbed to the cliff's top and then blindly jumped
diving into the abyss that is this. 
adrenaline whore or just your desperate attempt to have the wind knocked out of you.
Self inflicted, that is.


we are all intimidated by it:  Change.
possibly because, as creatures of habit, it is unnerving.
slightly unpleasant.
simplicity begs for you to stay, do away with new goals and attempts of making an identity.
satisfaction tempts you to "find the best" of your mundane depression.
then imagination pleads with you to reconsider.
what if the ice cold water feet below your feet is the shock of safety. 

From January on the 8th

i guess this is goodbye to something we both thought was worth it.
Something that we claimed at dawn & spoke in frozen words.
Fighting against words that tear our ideas down.
All we wanted was each other.
Silence displayed through distance makes my stomach turn.
Steps quicken & tears roll.
it's coming to an end.
over.
This was what we decided on & silent heart break is easier, at least i hope.
i hold my breath & wish that your thoughts would stay just that.
Fear that if they turn into letters and words that i'm wrong again.
Assumptions are safe.
Passes and avoidance because this is goodbye to something we both thought was worth it.

Tapping My Fingers in Patience

to suspend yourself over the waters of the unknown is terrifying.
to stretch yourself so that your two hemispheres no longer are safe is nerve wracking.
to utter the words, "Your will, not mine", is enough to send chills to the bottom of your spine.
to abandon reason for the sake of faith is thought of to be naive.
and to scream when told to be silent is looked at as incompetent.

There are different seasons in our lives, we all can attest to that. There are seasons of happiness, struggle, mourning and seasons of confusion. Seasons where getting out of bed in the morning is easy and seasons where under the covers is the only save abode. Just like rain of November is drastically different that the warm rays of sun in July, our life seasons are never really similar.

That is okay.
That is normal.
That is good.

It is important to remember, when you are desperate to feel like you have meaning, from where are you getting your value; where do you find your self worth.
It easy to say you're happy when you're surrounded by friends who love you, you're happily dating, your grades are above average, work is good and your family life is at peace.
But what about when you feel alone, when you're sick and you are pullin' for C's.
What then?

Who are you running to?

It's okay to be sad, and it's okay to cry. Nevertheless, running shouldn't be your first thought.

Sit and wait patiently.

Some seasons are going to be more rough than the last.
"Your will, not mine".
scream them till it hurts.
or whisper them as your cry.
Just believe them.