Look Again

Today my friend asked me a question. 
"Em, if there was one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be?"
 I thought really hard about it but then told myself to stop. I am content with who i am so why focus on the negative? Well that mindset worked for about 10 min. 
Later i found myself in front of my full length mirror. I was just looking. Looking and pondering. 
What would i change? 
Would it be my eyes? 
What about making my hair more straight? 
I would love it if i was tanner. 
I also don't like my thunder thighs. 
How about my freckles. Nasty. 
What about the huge gap in my two front teeth? 
I could gain a few inches && 
i would love it if my stomach was flatter. 
so quickly i can find things wrong with me. But think about it, is that healthy? NO! it is so unhealthy and wrong. 
Shoot, i love my hazel eyes. 
i love that i can rock the afro. 
i love the fact I've never had a sun burn. 
i like having some meat on my bones. It makes my pants fit better. 
My freckles make me who i am.
Same with my gap.
I am who i am. I wouldn't change a thing about myself and i encourage you to think about this. When you look at something with a negative mindset you will only get negative results. But if you look again, you never know what might happen. 

And For You... I'm Thankful

Someone in my life has always had an impact on me. 

 Ever since we were little I've been so close with this kid. No matter what is going on in my life i know that i can come to him. Be it just stressed out about school, mad at a friend or confused about a boy- He is always there for me.

His laugh can make me laugh instantly. Watching him do stupid stunts always makes me smile. Seeing him grow up from a little punk to a Jesus loving punk makes me proud. It makes me so happy to see us both growing up right beside each other.

 Even though these blogs are supposed to be written because i "get inspired" or something amazing happens in my life, i wrote one about him. I mean hey! he asked for it. But i thought about it and he does inspire me. Him in my life is an amazing thing. I could have never asked God for a better friend. I hope that he knows all of this. Even though i make fun of him, tease him, tell him how not buff he is, ignore him from time to time, and put cake in his face(only after he starts it)- He still is so important to me. And i hope he knows that.

It's been one of my favorite relationships.

There has been a lot of arguments

 but the laughs we've shared can 

cover those disagreements by a mile. 

i want you to realize

This blog is about something, or really someone, who has been on my heart a lot lately.
My older sister.

Have you ever had someone in your life who constantly is just amazing? 

Someone who is in love with Jesus and it is so evident?

Someone who has been through EVERYTHING , so they have all the answers?

Someone who even if they haven't been through it, they have the answers?

Someone who even though you don't talk to them for a month-once you do nothing has changed?

Someone who continually makes you smile?

Someone who can sit and cry with you?

Someone when somebody tells you, "don't tell anybody", you tell them?

Someone who is bold enough to tell you to get your act together, but 

Someone who can hug and love you like no one else?

WELL, that is my older sister for you.
I dont think that she knows how much i love her. I tell her yes, as often as i can, but still i dont think she knows. I dont think that she realizes that here in Hollister every morning when im getting ready i think of her. Every time i look in the mirror i see a letter that she wrote me Freshman year. It makes me thank God EVERY day for her.

She is So strong in her faith and not just that.

She is strong in...

Loving people in her life

Giving up her life for Christ

Being a good example

Making sure she laughs every day

Seeing the bright side of situations

&& in being here for me. 

These days we both are busy. We both have a lot on our plates but when i get to talk to her, be in a few texts or a 2 hour phone call- i love every second of it.
I just want to let you know, Aubrey that i love you. Today, tomorrow and FOREVER.

Come Home Soon.

She Is Trying...

She is trying
Sometimes she doesn't always get what she wants
But she gets what she needs
She is trying
Keeping peace is her number one goal
She is trying
To be all that's expected
To be that girl
She is trying
Laughing drys up her tears
but more laughs are heard than tears are seen
She is trying
Trying to maintain
Maintain all the steps to retrace her happiness
She is trying
But that might take too long
She is trying
Trying to get your attention
Screaming so loud but all that is heard is a whisper
She is trying
But quickly slipping.
Falling down this hill she's been climbing for so long.
She is trying
To get your love, wanted to badly.
Please just stand by me, cause i m trying.

The Weather

The weather normally, i have found, reflects my mood. 
Today did especially. It was hot. Miserable. My legs stuck to the seats of all 3 classes i had today. I lost my sunglasses and so i squinted all day. At break there was only a little bit of shade on the quad so we all were sweating. Second block was stuffy; it felt like New Orleans. Gross. Then lunch was twice as hot. And then in third block as i walked in it felt cool and refreshing. I was wrong. the fan died 4 min. into class. 
Some days just are not the best. Some people are disappointing. But the thing that is frustrating to me is that you would never have thought a day in October would treat you like this. Same goes for some people in life. You never even imagine that someone who claims to love you and be there for you 24/7 will be so quick to burn you. 
This October is lacking in wind. It's lacking in the sweet smell of rain on the pavement. It's lacking in excitement. It's lacking in love. Sometimes maybe just like this October, my life will be lacking. 

Here

You are my shinning star

always there to show me truth.

My best friend i'm sure you are

from Tutus to prom dresses. 

You are my life boat 

bring me back to the start. 

We laugh, we cry, we fight, we

yell. I love you girl with all my heart.

You are not always free

but as we grow same for me. 

But all i know is that no matter

where we are, that you are here. 

You are my private laughing box.

Tears often fall from my cheek 

You're always there to pick them up.

And one day when we both look back

We'll see the rows of hats and 

all the cheers. 

I'll look beside me. We made it. 

and You are Here. 

This is dedicated to my dear friend Kaitlyn Brooke Fontaine.
I love you girl and dont know what i would do with out you.

Not Far From The Tree

My mother is the most gracious, kind, funny, sarcastic, loving && amazing person i know. 
I love her to death. In fact i would give my life for her. 
Her and I have not always got along. We actually used to hit heads more than not. I was home schooled for most of grade school. It was so hard for me. It was hard because i had to have her as a teacher and as a mom. Honestly that line was very fuzzy. But once i went to private school our relationship changed. 
I started to realize that its okay to talk to her about my life. It really is. She is not going to be shocked i like a boy, or that i dont like a girl. She has been through it all. Once i realized this i really came to love my momma in a different light. Im noticing that she is one of a kind. 

She has started to become the kind of mom that when i have a bad day- she knows. But not only does she know, she asks. You see there is a huge difference between these two. Noticing and Asking. 

And an important part of asking is knowing. I tell my mom EVERYTHING. 

So do my friends. She is just so easy to talk to and can listen to all my drama and still somehow love me. She has loved me and cared for me even after stupid decisions that I've made and she has supported me and been proud of me when i make the right choices. 

She is really one of a kind. 

. 

My mom also knows the best way to say things. "Emily, now do  you think that was very nice of you to say?" instead of "Wow, well that was a dumb choice of words!" She is always just so sweet and genuine. She also loves so hard. No matter what is going on she is there for me. Even if you just got in a fight,( because yes we are a normal mother-daughter couple. come on, even the Gilmore Girls have fights) if i am having an issue with a boy or a friend she is always there to say what she thinks. 

When i was little everyone used to tell me that i "look just like your mom!!" And i hated that! i hated not just being Emily. I also got a lot of ,"Oh, Mitch's sister?" or " Oh no way, Betsy's older sister" (This at first bothered me but then it just showed me i need to get out more!) I used to hate being my moms daughter, or at least being known as her. But recently i realized that there is noting wrong with being noticed as her daughter. 

In fact id be glad to introduce myself as her kid. 

I hope that one day i can be a mom just like her. I want to be just like her "when i grow up" 

So here is to you Momma, i love you.