safe right here

i have always grown up in a small town.
too small if you ask me.
it is much like a fish tank.
open.
clear.
no privacy whatsoever.
gets dirty, and when it does everyone can see.
well i've hated this town for too long. always wanting to leave every chance i get. i thought about this. this weird hate i have for here. and then i thought about who i would be without it. i would not be who i am today. that is for sure.
i would not have laughed as much.
i would not have cried as much.
i would not have learned how to entertain myself and friends as much.
i would not be as confident as i am.
and i would not love like i love.
fear consumes me a lot. i never really trust. that is not one of my stronger points. im scared of being safe. im scared of failing. but here. right now. right now i feel safe.

The Fight

 Best friend is one who accepts the good as well bad qualities of his or her friend and also takes an initiative in correcting and mending them. - Anonymous

I don't know if you have a best friend. But i do. Someone who is always there for you no matter what. Through the ups and the downs they are always there. Someone who makes you smile when you want to cry and someone who knows just by "the look" that you need a hug. That someone in my life is Krista. 

Freshman Year

 We met freshman year and have been stuck since then. Never once did i think that i would have a friend like her. We had a class together as Freshies and that's where it all started. I was so happy that she was my friend and sooner or later we became best friends. We talk the same, think the same and shared the same clothes. 

Never would i have ever thought that that girl would still be in my life today. 

Sophomore Year

The next year we were just as close, if not closer. That year is when i realized how much i love krista. That year also contained the most fights we had ever fought. But with every fight our relationship got stronger. "Obstacles are put in your way to see who is worth climbing over for" -unknown. 

This quote really defines our friendship. We have had so many fights i can't even count. But, our laughs, smiles and memories cover our fights by a mile. I wish i could be as good as a friend to her as she is to me. I wish that she knew how much she means to me. i wish. i wish. i wish. 

Junior Year

Then this year came. we drifted apart and it tore my heart out. We also have had our fights this year, but would we be Em&&Kris without them? This year has taught me a lot about myself and my relationships. 

But most importantly i learned about having good friends. 

I am busy a lot. I have a lot on my plate. But what makes a good friend. no. A best friend is that regardless of our schedules we still love each other. 

So here is to...

all the laughs

She Thinks My Tractors Sexy

"Suffrage, the right to vote!"

White Cheddar Cheese-its

Late night talks

all the tears

Super T

Togo's 

Passing notes in Moore's

Schleeters!! 

The cabin

Sitting on your counter

Girl nights 

Our fights

Making fun of people 

And the times to come. 

Krista- you are a fight im willing to fight. 

When?

Lately I have been losing sleep. i have made one too many Pro and Cons lists. i have written letter after letter trying to explain myself. I dont know what to do or where to turn. i know what i want. but then when i wake up i feel like i have made the wrong choice. Every day it's different. How do you know that you have made the right choice? How do you know it is all "going to be okay" why cant the people that you want, want you back? how long is it going to be until i get my answers? how long. how long. 

Look Again

Today my friend asked me a question. 
"Em, if there was one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be?"
 I thought really hard about it but then told myself to stop. I am content with who i am so why focus on the negative? Well that mindset worked for about 10 min. 
Later i found myself in front of my full length mirror. I was just looking. Looking and pondering. 
What would i change? 
Would it be my eyes? 
What about making my hair more straight? 
I would love it if i was tanner. 
I also don't like my thunder thighs. 
How about my freckles. Nasty. 
What about the huge gap in my two front teeth? 
I could gain a few inches && 
i would love it if my stomach was flatter. 
so quickly i can find things wrong with me. But think about it, is that healthy? NO! it is so unhealthy and wrong. 
Shoot, i love my hazel eyes. 
i love that i can rock the afro. 
i love the fact I've never had a sun burn. 
i like having some meat on my bones. It makes my pants fit better. 
My freckles make me who i am.
Same with my gap.
I am who i am. I wouldn't change a thing about myself and i encourage you to think about this. When you look at something with a negative mindset you will only get negative results. But if you look again, you never know what might happen. 

And For You... I'm Thankful

Someone in my life has always had an impact on me. 

 Ever since we were little I've been so close with this kid. No matter what is going on in my life i know that i can come to him. Be it just stressed out about school, mad at a friend or confused about a boy- He is always there for me.

His laugh can make me laugh instantly. Watching him do stupid stunts always makes me smile. Seeing him grow up from a little punk to a Jesus loving punk makes me proud. It makes me so happy to see us both growing up right beside each other.

 Even though these blogs are supposed to be written because i "get inspired" or something amazing happens in my life, i wrote one about him. I mean hey! he asked for it. But i thought about it and he does inspire me. Him in my life is an amazing thing. I could have never asked God for a better friend. I hope that he knows all of this. Even though i make fun of him, tease him, tell him how not buff he is, ignore him from time to time, and put cake in his face(only after he starts it)- He still is so important to me. And i hope he knows that.

It's been one of my favorite relationships.

There has been a lot of arguments

 but the laughs we've shared can 

cover those disagreements by a mile. 

i want you to realize

This blog is about something, or really someone, who has been on my heart a lot lately.
My older sister.

Have you ever had someone in your life who constantly is just amazing? 

Someone who is in love with Jesus and it is so evident?

Someone who has been through EVERYTHING , so they have all the answers?

Someone who even if they haven't been through it, they have the answers?

Someone who even though you don't talk to them for a month-once you do nothing has changed?

Someone who continually makes you smile?

Someone who can sit and cry with you?

Someone when somebody tells you, "don't tell anybody", you tell them?

Someone who is bold enough to tell you to get your act together, but 

Someone who can hug and love you like no one else?

WELL, that is my older sister for you.
I dont think that she knows how much i love her. I tell her yes, as often as i can, but still i dont think she knows. I dont think that she realizes that here in Hollister every morning when im getting ready i think of her. Every time i look in the mirror i see a letter that she wrote me Freshman year. It makes me thank God EVERY day for her.

She is So strong in her faith and not just that.

She is strong in...

Loving people in her life

Giving up her life for Christ

Being a good example

Making sure she laughs every day

Seeing the bright side of situations

&& in being here for me. 

These days we both are busy. We both have a lot on our plates but when i get to talk to her, be in a few texts or a 2 hour phone call- i love every second of it.
I just want to let you know, Aubrey that i love you. Today, tomorrow and FOREVER.

Come Home Soon.

She Is Trying...

She is trying
Sometimes she doesn't always get what she wants
But she gets what she needs
She is trying
Keeping peace is her number one goal
She is trying
To be all that's expected
To be that girl
She is trying
Laughing drys up her tears
but more laughs are heard than tears are seen
She is trying
Trying to maintain
Maintain all the steps to retrace her happiness
She is trying
But that might take too long
She is trying
Trying to get your attention
Screaming so loud but all that is heard is a whisper
She is trying
But quickly slipping.
Falling down this hill she's been climbing for so long.
She is trying
To get your love, wanted to badly.
Please just stand by me, cause i m trying.