The Flavor of the Day

stop.
I have had some mistakes in my past, my present and lets face it, i am going to screw up in days to come. But God has blessed me with people in my life who care enough to call me, write me, and just hug me. Tell me they love me. All of me.
stop.
Sometimes i just look up at night. The dark canvas with fog seeping in slowly covering the bright, yet so far away glittering stars. I look up and realize that the sky is my dads art work. I watch the rain fall. Every drop He knows where it lands. I feel the sun burning my shoulders. He knows where every ray hits.  Every tear that falls from my cheek. He watches them fall to the ground.
stop.
School is so stressful. Not only the academics but everything else. Lately there has been so much drama. About nothing. Some peoples mouths are so dirty. Their thoughts are darker than a storm cloud and their words pierce through like spikes. Sometimes i wish they would all just go away. I realize i am not perfect, but thank you for sharing your opinion.
stop.
There is something about the comfort of having a "second family". The feeling that there are people out there who love you enough to have you over all the time. Let you eat their food. Let you have family night with them and that actually really love you. I have one of those family's. and i love them more than words can describe. It's four boys and Emily. They have taught how to not be "such a city girl". They have taught me how to understand baseball, well almost. They have taught me how to be truly happy. I love them all. i love that they tease me. i love that i hate that they make me go first when its dinner. i love their dad makes me text them when im home. i love them all.
stop.
i have made an amazing friend lately. He has really shown me how to just laugh at life and have fun. He makes me smile and laugh so much. God could tell that i needed more laughter in my life so he sent me him. I really am blessed to have him in my life. Sometimes i dont think that he knows how much i appreciate him since half the time im with him im hitting him or being mean, but really i do. More than he will ever know. I know that i dont have to try and make him like me, i dont have to change to be his friend. He likes me as me.
stop.
i am the oldest girl in my family. I have an older brother but sometimes that just doesnt cut it. I am positive that God saw this little hole in my heart and knew just who would fill it. And she has. I love my older sister so much. This is the girl that for about 2 weeks typed out 4 page long texts to me of a devotional just so that i would be encouraged. This is the girl who puts everything in her busy life on hold to calm me down when there is drama in my life. This is the girl who still stays in touch with a high schooler even though she is in college. This is my sister.
stop.
i.
am.
satisfied.

Substance

i went for a walk today.
i saw a little girl.
She was so happy, sweet and blissful. i didnt know her, but i could tell she was happy.
She didnt have a care in the world.
i want to be like that. i dont want to have this list of questions...
have you ever felt not good enough?
have you ever felt not strong enough?
have you ever felt not smart enough?
have you ever felt like you can't do the job well enough?
have you ever felt alone?
have you ever felt like you are drowning in a sea of silence?
have you ever felt like the words out of their mouths are lies?
have you ever felt nothing would ever fix what you have done?
have you ever felt so desperate that you can't breath?
have you ever felt like the only person you can talk to wont listen?
have you ever felt like the sky is not your limit, but that the ground is?
have you ever felt like me?

i just want to be happy and free.

The Unthinkable..

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks" 

"You'll never change"

"Once you start, you will not be able to stop"

All of these quotes are pretty common in todays society. There isn't hope. "I've gone too far". This thought system is so wrong. You see as chosen people we CAN start over. We can change. Impossible has never been so close to coming true. Christs' love for us is enough to not only cover the past but build us the foundation we need for support in our everyday life. The thought that the word impossible is relevant is so twisted. Nothing is impossible for Christ Jesus. This mindset is pretty desirable though for us. I mean, think about it...once you sin a few times it is easy to slip into "well im not going to get any better, so why stop now?"

     I know that for me this thought has passed through my mind a lot. But please, listen to what Christ is saying in Romans 12:1 "And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice--the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him." He does not care what we look like on the outside. Not at all, all he is asking for is our soul. Our "body". You can be broken and hurt, suffering and ashamed but after you realize this; run to Jesus. Run with arms wide open. 

    Today in church we sang a song How Can I Keep From Singing. This song made me cry. We sing it about every 2 or 3 weeks and EVERY time it gets me. "I know i am loved by the king, and it makes my heart want to sing" Christ Jesus, the RULER of the Universe loves me. I am his desire. He is my biggest fan, rooting for me to take the straight and narrow. If i have Him on my team then  "well im not going to get any better, so why stop now?" this mind set is counterproductive. 

    I live in a small town. Im just another average student.I 3.5 on a good day. Im short. I eat too much junk food. I watch too much tv. I cry too much.I have black hair. I laugh loud. But none of that defines me. I am LOVED by a king. That defines me. Ladies and Gentlemen next time someone tells you that impossible is real. Just remember this. 

    In my home town everyone said that it would never snow. I've lived here 15 years. All we see is frost every winter. Because snow was "impossible". Not this year. 

This year it snowed. Impossible is not a word when it comes to God. Be it to do with the climate, my attitude or anything in between. Our God is more powerful than "impossible" 

And Then I'll Sing

Days like today make being happy seem so far away. Like truly being happy is impossible. But then i stop. I stop and turn up my iPod and think. Try to really look into my life and see what is going on. Then i stop and think. Why am i here? What is it for? Then i realize that it does not matter. I was put on this Earth by my Father. I was put here to be a light in the darkness. And for that i can stop. in the middle of the road. Stop and sing. 

In these feelings today i made a list of things that make me smile. Make me happy to be here.

To be able to be who i want with my friends is so important to me. God has blessed me with friends who dont care if i'm too loud, if my laugh is embarrassing and if i sleep talk. 

Having a brother who will listen to me no matter what is going on is so amazing...

Having a Friend who doesn't care that i'm not athletic, and someone who will take photos with me over and over...

Being able to be who i want to be...

                                                                                                              

Having a friend to be different with...

Crying...

Having friends who know that i change my mind....

Laughing, Crying, Hitting, Screaming, Hurting and Hugging all with the same person....

Leaving my mark on this earth...

For these things i am happy. And for these things, ill stop and sing. 

Second Family

Happiness is a choice and i have made the right choice. That choice led me to my second family. This family is amazing. They care for me and love me no matter what. They also make me laugh so much. They make me realize that i CAN be happy without drama. They are something i would not trade in for anything.

These are my boys. My brothers. My second family. They are quick to make me laugh but also say things that cause me to slug them every once and a while.That  includes the fish boys...;)

Having them in my life has been such a blessing. It's caused me to think and also caused me to cherish them. 

Not only do they tease me for my girlie side, but they bring out my tom-girl side more and more. 

They taught me how to play baseball one day. Don't worry i got teased for my girlie swing. 

They let me shoot guns with them a while ago.All the Barbie's and chocolate in the world can not top that day.

They got me hooked on a ultra nerdy card game. They teased me for liking the shiny cards. 

They took me quadding one day. They still tease me for feeling so happy that i broke 10 mph.

Not only do i feel like the boys are my brothers but their mom and dad feel like family too. Their dad is like my second dad in more than just the sentimental way.He teases me to the point of no return, but at the same time i know that he will tell me when i'm out of line. Their mom is just like my mom as well. Seeing her and what an amazing mother she is inspires me to be like her. She is loving and caring to all of us, even when i know that i don't deserve it. 

They constantly are coming up with ways to make me laugh and constantly i am so happy that they are in my life. 

 At first i just didn't want to intrude. I didn't want to stay for dinner and i guess you could say i wasn't really used to people being so inviting. Now, not only do i love dinner with them but i know where i sit at the table. I hate going first but it's a "good way to teach the boys manners"

i love these boys so much and i couldn't be any happier that they are my second family.

Conner, Kaitlyn and me.

Caleb, me and Canon

Cancan, my little ninja 

safe right here

i have always grown up in a small town.
too small if you ask me.
it is much like a fish tank.
open.
clear.
no privacy whatsoever.
gets dirty, and when it does everyone can see.
well i've hated this town for too long. always wanting to leave every chance i get. i thought about this. this weird hate i have for here. and then i thought about who i would be without it. i would not be who i am today. that is for sure.
i would not have laughed as much.
i would not have cried as much.
i would not have learned how to entertain myself and friends as much.
i would not be as confident as i am.
and i would not love like i love.
fear consumes me a lot. i never really trust. that is not one of my stronger points. im scared of being safe. im scared of failing. but here. right now. right now i feel safe.

The Fight

 Best friend is one who accepts the good as well bad qualities of his or her friend and also takes an initiative in correcting and mending them. - Anonymous

I don't know if you have a best friend. But i do. Someone who is always there for you no matter what. Through the ups and the downs they are always there. Someone who makes you smile when you want to cry and someone who knows just by "the look" that you need a hug. That someone in my life is Krista. 

Freshman Year

 We met freshman year and have been stuck since then. Never once did i think that i would have a friend like her. We had a class together as Freshies and that's where it all started. I was so happy that she was my friend and sooner or later we became best friends. We talk the same, think the same and shared the same clothes. 

Never would i have ever thought that that girl would still be in my life today. 

Sophomore Year

The next year we were just as close, if not closer. That year is when i realized how much i love krista. That year also contained the most fights we had ever fought. But with every fight our relationship got stronger. "Obstacles are put in your way to see who is worth climbing over for" -unknown. 

This quote really defines our friendship. We have had so many fights i can't even count. But, our laughs, smiles and memories cover our fights by a mile. I wish i could be as good as a friend to her as she is to me. I wish that she knew how much she means to me. i wish. i wish. i wish. 

Junior Year

Then this year came. we drifted apart and it tore my heart out. We also have had our fights this year, but would we be Em&&Kris without them? This year has taught me a lot about myself and my relationships. 

But most importantly i learned about having good friends. 

I am busy a lot. I have a lot on my plate. But what makes a good friend. no. A best friend is that regardless of our schedules we still love each other. 

So here is to...

all the laughs

She Thinks My Tractors Sexy

"Suffrage, the right to vote!"

White Cheddar Cheese-its

Late night talks

all the tears

Super T

Togo's 

Passing notes in Moore's

Schleeters!! 

The cabin

Sitting on your counter

Girl nights 

Our fights

Making fun of people 

And the times to come. 

Krista- you are a fight im willing to fight.