To See Right Through

I thought I saw you last month.
My heart skipped a beat and my feet froze. I tried to move but my legs were locked.
When I realized that it wasn't you I knew I was supposed to feel relief. I knew i was to continue on with my day and forget about it.
That's what I was supposed to do.
Memories.
Flashbacks.
Demand authority over your thoughts, for they can rule your life.
In reality I was sitting in class. My professor was pacing back and forth,frustrated she didn't have her student's attention. In reality I was sinking in my seat, zoning out anything my flustered instructor was saying. In reality I was upset with reality.
I slowly submerged my thoughts in powerful scenes. The pieces of day where you slowly stole my heart.
I focused on the chair ahead of me and I was gone.
I saw snapshots and blurry photographs.
These memories are bittersweet.
They sting yet it's a hurt I can cope with.
It's worth it, and for me not much is.
Someone thought they saw you yesterday.
I saw you but looked right through you.
I saw the biggest difference.
The difference between strong enough and sly enough.
I didn't see you.

Your mountains will always be my molehills

sway

Breakdowns.
They're healthy sometimes. When life gets to the point where you just can't handle it anymore, it's good to take a step back.
Breakdowns.
i had one the other day.
Paperwork, distance, charades, nerves- well the lack of them, personalities.
i just was fed up.
i found myself sitting alone in the dark outside. The cement was cold, but not uncomfortable.
i tried to find the Big Dipper, but then realized the cloud coverage was too thick.
i was just looking for something that i can always see.
Familiarity. 
As my eyes searched for something else to focus on i saw thick branches.
They were moving drastically in the wind.
My eyes followed the foliage and i saw where it started.
The branch, connected to the trunk, drew my eyes to the soil.
Under the mulch are roots.
Even in the wind, the rain and the lightning the roots are unharmed.
The branches may be bent and twirled in the wind.
The leafs may fall, the snow may overwhelm the bare branches and birds invade with nests, but still the roots are unharmed.
 it started to rain as i was sitting, looking up.
i started to smile.
God has a sense of humor.
i am that tree.
They are the wind, the snow and the nests.
He is the roots. He is the only thing keeping my grounded.
He.
He is.

Honest Truth

I think I dislike the rain because it washes away.
if I am honest with myself, the dirt is easier to get used to & more realistically easier to hide behind.
I think it's safe to say we are all creatures of habit. We have grown accustom to things a certain way. When that changes it's uncomfortable and you're forced to be venerable.
I hate that: being venerable.
As puddles accumulate they are a blatant sign of how inconsistent your foundation is.
It's surprising & frustrating, that moment your foot slips into the cold. It's unexpected & inconvenient.
That's why I don't like the rain.
Because it highlights the hidden obvious.
Sometimes I wish I was blind to these truths.
In that wishing, though, I hurt myself.
Even though sunny days are beautiful. The sun on your desperate skin, your body craving the warmth. Summer means dreadlocks and flip flops. Coaching & long drives: it all looks good, but is it realistic?
As it rains it's hard to see and in the pit of your stomach you know things won't be the same once the storm has passed.
Change.
I guess sometimes rain is needed.

Becoming not

before you tattoo that verse on your arm- do you really believe it.
you can do all things through Him- do you really believe it.
tell me the significance.
before you center your NOTW sticker on the back of you mazda- stop.
do you really?
do you really cling to Him no matter what?
do you really think that you can surrender all of you life--i said all, that means everything, to Him?
for some, i pray that they will never experience heart break.
i think i agree, most of the time, with ignorance is bliss.
mostly because i have seen hurt and the results.
i have seen it cause people to cling to the Cross.
i have also seen it cause people to turn their backs and raise their middle fingers to the Church.
before you discredit me, listen: think of the ones you love the most, in a tragedy where will they go?
how long will they last?
where will they find their strength?
my heart is torn in two when it comes to this because i don't want to condone complacency.
that.
that mindset is what is currepting the church from the inside out.
students content with passing Old Testament yet not retaining anything.
kids saying all their verses at vbs just to win.
what is the church doing to prepare for tragety.
and when i say tragety i mean the real world.
where is the truth.
we know where it is, so why are we not proclaiming it.
live and believe what you ink.
broadcast the only thing that can completely comfort.
He gave His life for you, so will you live yours for Him?

Comments at the mirror

It bleeds out.
Black seeping through, staining the white & pure background.
All it took was one.
Suddenly everything changes.
You're brought to your knees and start begging for another chance.
It cuts deep.
You're unarmed and venerable.
Somehow your enemy is your shadow, your reflection stings.
It sends chills.
You're alone with your silence.
The black has overwhelmed the once innocent and pure space.
Look deeply into your wide eyes.
Demand to see the truth.
The facade sweeps you off your feet; persuade yourself to stand.
All it took was one.
Fight it with the Light.

Built on a broken foundation

It consumes us all. Some don't notice it, and for that i pity them.
It consumes your thoughts and your actions are a clear display of the dangerous infestation of it in your heart.
It is painted by your words, by your choices. Everything you do points back to this.
When you look in the mirror i wonder if you see the person you are, or if you have trained yourself to see the lie you live.
Part of me wishes i could pretend as well as you. You could convince a blind man to see.
I guess this lifestyle is not for the faint. I have always told myself i can keep up. I can bend and not be broken, i can be pierced and not bleed. You have proved me wrong, which isn't a common occurrence. I guess lying works and this ficade won't be broken. The lies and heartbreak you have chosen to build your life on are locked away in a chamber lased with greed and genuine deception .
i can scream, i can hit, i can tattoo the truth, but that wont help.
i can struggle, i can fight it, but that won't save you now.
You muffle my voice since you know even a whisper of the truth will bring your castle crumbling to the ground.
Reputation trumps authenticity and picture perfect is who you see in the shattered mirrors. 
Your words, when you twist mine, seem like the truth.