perfectly protected by the enemy

it is as if my broken window is mocking me.
i struggle to find something that will hide me from this frozen stillness invading my room.
my vision is now blurred and i just want warmth.
soon i am wrapped in what i think will save me.
doubt.
i was tricked, a little, when i chose her.
naive and desperate.
she seemed good because she was familiar.

soon, i am fast asleep.
slowly she releases me and slinks over to my other window and cracks it.
the perfect protection is mauled and broken.
as soon as the crystal clear divider is gone, she tears at the walls on either side: total destruction.
her job is done.
she tiptoes back and wraps her arms around me.
my breath turns to ice as soon as it leaves my mouth.

you see, deception, at her finest is doubt.
confident that i would be safe, i was betrayed.
while defenseless i was left only to be returned to even more broken.

Blind

defenseless: unprotected: lacking any form of protection and therefore vulnerable.
Or something completely different.
Something so intense that you can't see straight.
You're standing on train tracks-
Your feet feel the vibrations and slowly your whole body is engulfed.
You're powerless and exposed, yet you refuse to leave.

wanderlust: desire for traveling: a strong desire for traveling.
Or something completely different.
Something so strong that when you're in it,you don't even know you're trapped, the rusty steel is attractive and you're not sure why.
It is a desire for something: an intense longing for someone.
That is for whom your heart keeps beating.
An intriguing combination, because they also rob you of your breath.

fear: feeling of anxiety: an unpleasant feeling of anxiety or apprehension caused by the presence or anticipation of danger.
Or something completely different.
The tracks are laced intricately into the scenery.
Curves and sharp turns throw your awareness.
As the 200 ton vehicle approaches that is when your wanderlust turns into a poisonous parasite, fear leaves and defenselessness pairs with your rapid infection.
love: treacherous and so dangerous

Words & bruises

Hit me.
Rush your closed fist against my cheek & hurt me.
Leave your handprint on my arm, throw me to the floor & spit.
Ring my neck & bruise my throat.
Hurt me to where I can't remember.

Such a plea is ludicrous, I assume you believe.
But nothing could hurt me as much as your words, so I might as well have proof of this beating.
Take pity on me & reserve the words that sting more than a backhand.

moments or memories

I don’t know much about life, I really don’t.

Young, naive, ignorant.

The list can go on as long as you please.

However, I have learned a few things.

You must never forget the importance of sleeping late.

Never stay somewhere that you feel uncomfortable, life is about stretching, but know your boundaries.

Remember memories from 6 years ago and tell those people who are in your flashbacks that you miss them.

Seek out maturity in friendships, but never go a day without laughter.

Hug, even if it hurts you.

When you see the one who broke your heart, be thankful that you’re not still bound to them.

Miss a few classes and spend time with those who you want to.

Allow belly laughs to interrupt conversations.

Oh, darling—take too many pictures.

This life we live is but a breath.

When you get slammed by reality and tears scale down your cheeks,

Remember to always speak your heart.

Always.

It stings sometimes, more than you realize or have ever asked for,

But the scars you wear can be times of pure triumph.

These are the moments that one day are memories.

Just never allow one to destroy you.

Never.

Must Be Doin Something Right

clicking through old pictures holds a certain mystery and heartbreak.
its a double edged sword.
today i decided that sweet memories were worth it.
it was a little bit harder than i thought it was going to be.
i saw myself smiling;dang i was so happy.
dont get me wrong, i am happy now but back then it was different.
i think that innocence holds a certain emotion.
its a mix of joy and stupidity.
but it isnt the stupidity of the blonde girl in chemisty who cheated off of the smart kids.
its a justified stupidity: innocence.
i guess, bliss.
each snapshot brought back so many memories.
i could hear our laughter.
i could hear teachers lectures that we had zoned out of.
i heard whistles blowing at the games we went to.
i could taste the sunflower seeds from the ball games we sat at.
i hear the songs that were our playlist.
bliss, i guess.

as i went through different albums and continued to watch my life from a somewhat removed view i kept thinking one thing.
i wouldnt trade anything, or anyone from each memory.
some people that held places in those photographs are not in my life anymore.
some people still are.
but bottom line, life moved us all.
those memories, however, were designed for who i made them with.
i guess i just dont believe in regret.

each friend.
each date.
each day.

i make stupid choices, lord knows.
but i dont think that i would take any of them back.

what i am coming to see is that it isn't all about "learning from the past and trying to change the old you"
sometimes you just have to take a look back, acknowledge the mistakes, heartbreak and tears (lots in my case) and get ready for a lot more.

Country Music From Here On Out

Somehow it’s more comforting to reassuring yourself of fiction, than to hear the silence of reality. It’s easier to make excuses and stories just to hold on to what you pictured. Somehow it’s easier to take snapshots of the best and neglect the memories of hurt. Somehow logic leaves and deception is now the true measure. Somehow it’s just more comforting that way.

To understand

Keep eye contact with me.
Don't allow yourself to deflect.
Refuse to fall under the radar.
Stay with me.
Be consistent, follow my heart beat.
As your eyes drift away to get lost in the background- FIGHT.
Regain your place and stand firm.
Trust in direction.
Live in the guidance.
Believe in hope, yet understand reality.
Maintain a relationship: even when it hurts.
Even in the silence.
When your eyes come back and connect to mine, it's done.
We are sufficient.
You tighten your fists, swallow the lump in your throat and promise.
"Keep eye contact with me!"
You remind me of my instructions.
I take a step back from the hurt & pain.
I live in His guidance, believe in hope yet understand reality

His promises

It's midnight and I can't sleep.
I walk outside and lay on the cement. It's still warm from the 85 degree day.
There was a BBQ today and someone's smoking in my ally.
I inhale deeply through my nose and the chilly air clears my thoughts.
I hold my breath and allow the brisk invasion to pushback against my chest.
My lips separate and the air returns back where it came from.

I slip my hood on and look up to the sky.
It's my favorite.
The deep blue background captures my attention. The brighter stars outline the constellations we all know. I wish I knew more. Regardless I look anyways. The stars: they're beautiful.

They are beautiful.
They're alone, yet together they form something astonishing. Each one a different dimness, a different shape, some falling, some twinkling brighter- they're all beautiful.

Some of you are thinking "yes but that's all because some stars are farther away so for our eyes they just seem less bright and falling stars aren't things you make a wish on, that's just what happens when space debris hits the atmosphere"- that's valid but I don't care.

The stars to me hold promise and stability. I can lay in my back yard in California and see the same stars I saw in a baseball field one night in Pennsylvania. I can find the same points of reference the week of finals or the middle of summer.

It's midnight and I can't sleep.
I'm outside overwhelmed yet comforted by the heat coming through my clothes.
I hear the drug addict go inside and start an argument.
The outside air meets my breath and I shiver.

Though much is changing around me and there isn't anything I can do about it I look up.
I embrace the whirlwind of change and focus on the things that never fluctuate.
They are beautiful

Wordless arguments

I saw her.
A figure was standing a few feet away facing her. He slid his hoodie down & his face was revealed. In her right hand she had a stack of photographs.
She delicately chose the significant snap shots. She slowly showed each memory to him while remaining silent. As they each fell to the floor he was standing so tall & confident, a demeanor fitting to his personality. Yet, as the photos dropped to the floor his head and shoulders slowly slouched. She took her hand and tilted up his chin.
"Look at me."
She spoke no words but her eyes retold their story.
She turned,refused to look back and proceeded.
The second figure took off his sunglasses and looked into her eyes. The hurt was there, sitting in both their souls. While maintaining eye contact she began to share the pieces of her heart. Amidst the photographs were words:
"Regret"
"Why?"
"Over"
Each Polaroid and notecard fell.
His left hand brushed up against her cheek as she began to turn away.
all she could do was look back at the ripped up memories and mistakes.
The next figure stood tall, as if he were about to be presented an award. She hesitated in her approach, slowly she brought her right leg together with her left and stood facing him.
She remained in a submissive stance and started flipping through her remaining pictures.
He stood, a champion in his mind, and took each photograph.
As he reclaimed each glimpse into their past she recognized their potential. She recognized his absence even when he was in reach.
She looked down as she watched him throw the stack on the ground.
She tried to swallow the pain & hurt but instead she took the blame.
She locked her lips together and turned her body.
Then I saw her standing inches away from the boy whose face was hidden. One hip lowered and her hand placed appropriately on the assumed hip.
His fists were clenched and from the outside of his jaw it was clear that his teeth were too.
The argument began to escalate; she stomped her foot in anger and he threw his hands up as if he surrendered.
She began to illustrate each time he had lied to her with 7 fingers she held up.
"SEVEN"
I couldn't hear but I saw the word jump out of her mouth.
Suddenly he took his arms and grasped her shoulders. As his hands moved from his side to her body she flinched
"I'm not him!"
Again, silent to me but loud enough to see.
He then held up his fingers, counting on each one & simultaneously saying a name.
As he held up his fourth finger,his index finger landed on his chest.
They stood in silence.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a stack of photographs.
She froze.
With every picture he paused and told her something.
Through the series of photographs his love and care for her were blatantly clear.
She looked away & avoided all emotional connection.
He took his hand and lifted her chin.
Then he lipped one word
"Trust"
Silent yet the most real thing she had heard yet.

To See Right Through

I thought I saw you last month.
My heart skipped a beat and my feet froze. I tried to move but my legs were locked.
When I realized that it wasn't you I knew I was supposed to feel relief. I knew i was to continue on with my day and forget about it.
That's what I was supposed to do.
Memories.
Flashbacks.
Demand authority over your thoughts, for they can rule your life.
In reality I was sitting in class. My professor was pacing back and forth,frustrated she didn't have her student's attention. In reality I was sinking in my seat, zoning out anything my flustered instructor was saying. In reality I was upset with reality.
I slowly submerged my thoughts in powerful scenes. The pieces of day where you slowly stole my heart.
I focused on the chair ahead of me and I was gone.
I saw snapshots and blurry photographs.
These memories are bittersweet.
They sting yet it's a hurt I can cope with.
It's worth it, and for me not much is.
Someone thought they saw you yesterday.
I saw you but looked right through you.
I saw the biggest difference.
The difference between strong enough and sly enough.
I didn't see you.

Hay Baler, Charger & Now A Red Hawk

August 19th last summer i got on a plane and flew across the country.
I can remember it like it was minutes ago. I left my two best friends at the San Francisco airport crying, to the point where Parisa had to inform them that i was not dead- just moving, and got on the longest flight of my life. I remember sitting in the gate with my mom reading a letter Carley wrote me. I could not even see through the wall of tears. It was one of the hardest days i have had so far, but it was a day that i was confident in. I know that God had my life planned out and i know that LBC was where i needed to be for my first year of school.
The emily that sat in the window seat taking her last looks at California had no idea about the amazing time she was about to have.

The day we moved into our dorms was one of the most challenging and stressful days of Weekend of Welcome ( or as i like to call it, hell week). Thankfully my roommate, Kate and i had expressed our fears and the dislike we had for such activities. I still remember pulling into the Chapel parking lot and seeing Kate jump out of her car, run to hug me.
THANK YOU LORD for her.

During W.O.W i quickly made friends with a group of people who still have such a big part of my heart. Luke, Brian, Christian, Steph and Kate. Since there were no classes we hung out all day. We laughed so much i am CONVINCED i got a six pack just from that. These men have really had a large impact on me.  

 Luke towers above me in height but has never put me down or made me feel bad about myself. He is one of the most encouraging and loving guys i have ever met. Being from Colorado, automatically he's pretty great, but he also understands me. He was far from family and we bonded over that. He is without a doubt one of my closest guy friends and this semester would have been DRAMATICALLY different if it weren't for him. His love for God comes through in the most evident ways and he is a witness even when he doesn't know it. Even though he thinks that he can beat me in a burping contest, i still love this boy, as misguided as he may be. My friendship with him means the world to me and i am so blessed that i got to meet him.




Brian is one of the godliest men i know. (In red tank-top to the right)
I remember the first day that we met. In the cafeteria   Kate, Steph and i were talking about guys and all the "wrong doings" we have been through. His first response was, "Do i need to write a letter?". Now, you may think that this was a joke, but even in his humor he was so serious. Brian is a man after God's own heart and his love and passion for Christ is contagious. He is caring, considerate, talented and a true gift from God.
Christian, or Flynn Ryder, has never seized to make me laugh.( See picture to the right) Even though he is a commuter now, he still will always hold a spot in my heart. I can't wait to see where God is taking him and his ministry!





As the semester kicked in, summer came and left as winter decided to take over. I am so happy that i got to be with Kate for my first snow. As 19 snow flakes fell from the sky my eyes began to water. We ran over to the library and bought hot chocolate. I ran around first floor telling everyone that it was snowing. I was quickly shot down by multiple people ," That's not real snow."
Well thanks, jerks. The beaches in Cali get old but i don't go stomping on your dreams, do i?

As the blizzard continued our supreme Vice President decided to take some time out of his very busy day and pose for a picture with us. That was just the beginning. 

 My friendship with Mr. Derr would grow from the day i met him in the TLC to now. I can honestly say that when i look back at first semester that some of my favorite (& most painful- literally) memories happened with this dysfunctional crew. We made some pretty great memories and had so many laughs. From the time Garrett let me drive and then the prof was behind us, to the time we had a chug off in Red Robbin to the time we watched Chris go in the play place at Chic- filla.  I don't think i have ever been as frustrated due to lack of Campfire sauce and i can't say that i have ever laughed as hard as i did the night that i got injured by a car door.
Garrett and i quickly realized that we are very similar, which you would think would be a good thing- but we soon learned that it can cause a few complications. Even though he is an EXTREMELY stubborn person, he has had a large impact on my life.

His sarcasm and sense of humor are my favorite qualities about him, second to his relationship with God. Getting to know the heart of Garrett was one of my favorite things of this year. Being able to find someone else who loves country music was such a relief, but also seeing that he really just wants to help people and make a difference through teaching was a pretty amazing thing to watch. Yes, we joked around, made fun of Kate and Chris a lot (too much? Impossible) but i was allowed to see a very serious and passionate side of the SGA member and for that i am so thankful. 

As the middle of the semester came around i met a guy who would soon be someone that means the world to me. I am positive that when we met he thought i was crazy, whether or not he will admit that or not, but nevertheless, Darrell changed my life. This kid has been one of my biggest blessings. He definitely has a part of my heart and i can not describe how much he means to me. He has shown me serious compassion and also threatened any guy that is to ever hurt me. He is my best guy friend and the laughs that i have with him will not soon be forgotten. As school carried on our friendship grew deeper and deeper. When we hang out, nothing else matters. I can be a complete idiot in front of him and all he does is laugh at me. He has seen me at my worst( in the gym) and at my best, and he STILL loves me. The girl that had to be motivated by Twix bars to even walk into the gym now can't get enough of it. Not because i love gettin jacked, but because Darrell has taught me to challenge and push myself. He has taught me never to be satisfied with "okay", but to push for perfection. You have my heart, homie.

Another person who has taken a hold of my heart is Heather. We met in math, and if i am honest i really didn't like her. I don't know why but she rubbed me the wrong way. God must have been in heaven laughing at me. One day before prayer, i have no idea why, i reached out my hand and asked her to hold hands during prayer. That one day changed everything. Soon we started talking more in math(shocking that i was talk in math class? No) and that lead to texting and quickly after i had a new friend. From borrowing clothes to long talks about boys. She has been there for me through so much, she even offered her house up to me for Easter break. She welcomed me into her home and heart and that is something i can never repay her for.

The picture to the left is one of my favorite pictures without a doubt. This ladies and gents is Stefon. He has been a constant friend through the good and the bad. I met him during WOW week as well. We were all about to start the Amazing Race and he commented on my Chucks. As classes started it became clear to me that we shared majors and that he had the same Theology class as me. The Lord really knew what He was doing when He placed us in the back row of our late afternoon class. Obviously we both selected the seats. From small conversations about homework to some of the deepest conversations about life, love and the future Stefon continued to impress me. Not because of his impeccable style but because of his heart for Jesus. His friendship has impacted me greatly and i wouldn't be the same person i am today without this boy. 

As the year went on i started making friends with the basketball team. All credit goes to D for that. But two guys that really impacted me are Bird and Nick. Bird is one of the most passionate Christians i know. He is just like an older brother to me and i am certain that he would do anything for me. He never changes who he is for anyone. He works hard for what he wants and being able to watch him on the court was such an honor. He is in love with his girl friend and the way he treats her is the way any good guy should. She is a lucky girl and i can't wait to see what God has for you two! 

 This is Nick. From the get go we were great friends. Actually, that could not be farther from the truth. Kate and Nick grew up together so they knew each other before we moved it. I assumed that i would get along with him, but man was i wrong. At the start of the year i highly disliked Nick. And that is being nice. There was a car ride to Mount Airy and the whole time we were going back and forth arguing. If you were to tell me that by second half of first semester i would come to cherish my friendship with this punk, i most likely would have bet money or food on the fact that that would never happen. Well, as JB says "never say never". After getting to know Nick i realized that he is someone i want as a friend. He is hard working, funny- not as funny as me, lets be clear- compassionate, loving and an amazing man who desires to be close to God. I can't say enough good things about his boy. His attitude, his manners, his heart- all of it makes Nick the man he is and that man is such an amazing guy. I am so thankful for him and the friendship we were able to create.




Another person who i didn't become friends with till later in the year is my lovely CA. She has the role in my dorm section as Community Advvisor (assistant?)- regardless, she is the one to encourage and love on the girls in the section. I look back and it breaks my heart that we were not friends at first. Shockingly i didn't like her at first. I thought she didn't like me and did not go out of my way to foster the relationship. Well, if i have learned ONE thing here at LBC it is that first impressions can not be more wrong. Denae has a heart of gold. She has loved me and poured into me more than anyone on this campus. She is an encourager- its what she does. She sees when i am overwhelmed. She sees when i am hurting. She sees it all. And as she sees it, she prays and then shortly after writes a note or a verse and leaves it in my room. She makes me laugh and i am sure that half the time we are laughing she is laughing at me. Maybe if i could tell her best friends apart it would be a lot easier, but someone once said that ill "look back and it will be funny". I love this girl, she is without a doubt one of the most under-appreciated people in my life. God was so gracious when He placed her in my life. She has such an impact on my life and for her and our friendship i sincerely thank God.

This strapping fellow to the left is Dan. The first time i ever talked to him Kate and i were making fun of him. The whole camel comment was really spot on. After meeting him and getting to interact with him at meals Dan started hanging out with us a little bit more. Soon he was one of the gang and i am so thankful for that.Dan we have a bond that will never be broken, once i licked your foot i knew you would mean the world to me. Dan is really one of a kind, and i mean that. When he puts his mind to something, you can bet darn well that it is going to be done and done well. He is passionate about Christ and i'll admit it- he is pretty funny. His spirit and desire to serve Christ are so admirable. He has had by back since day one and i could not ask for more. Dan is a quality guy and whomever ends up with him is one lucky girl.

Speaking of being lucky...This is my RA. And being put in her section was one of the best parts of my year here. She is a dedicated home girl and when she decides she is going to do something, it gets done perfectly. Annie has all the qualities of a Proverbs 31 woman. I don't think i will ever meet someone who can fill the spot in my heart that i have saved for her. She constantly makes me laugh when i just really want to cry. She listens when i just want to vent or when i want to tell her sappy stories about a boy. She takes on a lot, anyone who knows her knows that, but anything that she does has her whole heart in it. Even though i have no idea what the heck is going on in lacrosse i love going to her games and watching her work her tail end off for the team. I love annie more than words can describe and i know that she will always have a piece of me. 

Annies roommate is Stephanie. When we first moved in i remember seeing her but then i didn't see her again until dinner. All of the incoming students had to sit in a huge tent. God planned this one too, we sat at the same table. As we ate the weird cold tomato soup or whatever that was we all (Kate, Steph and me) started talking and laughing. Well the laughs did not stop there. Soon we three would be locked at the hips.  We did everything together. And still do. We built a bond that was more than just over which guys we think are cute ( which for the record, God showed serious grace because we never thought fondly of the same guy so there was no conflict there!) Our bond was built on something concrete. Christ. He allowed us to go through ups and downs. He allowed us to fight. He allowed us to because it helped the friendship. It was a struggle but it was a beautiful one. We worked through it and we are stronger because of it. Steph has been such a huge part of my adventure here at LBC. We have laughed together, to the point where everyone in the caf looked at us, and we have cried together. We have struggled with similar things and that is what brought us close. I am so thankful for the long nights, the cuddling, the mustang rides, the nights where i climbed into her bed and the days where we just talked. I am thankful. Thankful for her. Thankful for us. 

 I thought that when i started this writing about Kate would be the easiest. I was wrong. I am not sure where to start. Well after the hug in the parking lot on day one i knew that things would be great. We went back to our room and started unpacking. Oh boy, as we unpacked shoes and t shirts we spilled all our stories. It was the fastest i ever let someone in. From that day to now we have been through SO much. And i won't lie. It has not all been rainbows and unicorns. No it is has not. There have been nights were we went to sleep in silence and days where neither of us talked to each other. There have been arguments...heated to say the least, and there have been tears. But they all needed to happen. If it were not for the hard times how would we have grown? We wouldn't have. My favorite thing to hear is when people ask "oh so did you and your best friend decide to room together?" or "Did you two know each other?". I still smile.
 No.
No we did not. But God knew. He knew exactly what we needed. Kate needed a little nudge. ( well might have been more than a nudge). She needed a little crazy and God knew EXACTLY who could give her that. And i needed someone ready for crazy. I needed someone ready for the tears and the hurt. I needed someone who would say "Do you just want to get some chocolate and talk?". I needed her. She needed me.
We have done a lot here in our first year. And i can say that every day is an adventure and something new. I can say that when we are together we can finish each others sentences and i'm not going to lie, we are pretty hilarious. We most likely drive people cray cray, but i am completely okay with that.
 This year has been a dramatic one. So much has happened in both of our lives and i am confident that God placed us in the same room because of that. He knew. To say i am thankful would be redundant and does not even cover it. Kate, you have changed me. I would like to say that you have censored me but, lessssbehonest, that is not true. But you have shown me how to appreciate the little things in life. You have taught me to stop and do the pterodactyl. ( i would say smell the roses, but i hate them and so do you)
To my partner in crime, my study buddy, my laughing goose, my roomie and my best friend, i love you.

This year has been amazing. There have been so many amazing memories, and a lot of lessons learned.
I am beyond thankful for this school and the people that i crossed paths with.
God has blessed me with the opportunity to be here and i could not be more grateful for that.
As the semester comes to a close my heart is so heavy. I am sad but nervous. Excited but hesitant.
Because, well when i pack up after my last 7:30am final and get on that plane i won't be coming back.
I am confident that God has my life planned out for me and i am confident in the fact that next year i need to be in California.
Pennsylvania, you have been so good to me & i am so happy to have lived here.

That emily that got on that afternoon flight last August never knew what was waiting for her in Lancaster, Pa.
&
That same emily can not wait to see what God has in store for me in Redding, Ca.

Snow

It slowly fades from the sky 
No one can stop it & 
No one should try 
It's a blanket to hide the dark 
Covering the obvious 
It's the avoiders favorite kind of art
It's slow & creeps softly in 
The dark feels overwhelming 
When it sticks the hiding can begin 
It is seen as soon as it starts
Everyone sees 
But sadly not everyone believes 
It is dangerous, it's unpredictable 
But this is life. 
People hurt & people lie. 
You can stop & watch it overwhelm 
You can push through it and neglect it. 
But whatever you do you can't avoid it. 
It slowly fades from the sky 
No one can stop it 
&
Yet everyone should try

Looks Can Be Deceiving

Pasts.
We all have them. We all have the hurt and the trials. We all have the memories that bring a smile, and the flash backs we wish we didn't have.
We all have them.
In thinking about this, something really started to weigh heavy on my heart.
I think that too often people lack two things:  grace and desecration.
No one else has been through what you have. Just the same, you haven't experienced the paths that others have walked off of. We need to act in love. Just as you would want someone to understand where you are coming from that's how we need to treat others. Christ is the prime example of this. No matter what your past is He still died for you. For every mistake, every slip up. All of them.
Sometimes i think as Christians we forget how fortunate we are and we don't see that part of Christ as much as we should.
Smiles are easy to fake.
Stories are easy to change.
Tears are easy to wipe
and
Secrets are easy to hide.
 Sometimes people don't see others through eyes of grace. Maybe that guy has had one too many people walk out of his life and that's why he is sitting alone. Not because he is a loser. Maybe that girl was violated and that's why she doesn't anyone come close. Maybe the reason that family stopped going to church is because of corrupt leadership. Maybe that mom is never home because she is working 4 jobs just to pay rent and that's why she is never at any school functions.
Maybe.
Pasts.
We all have them. The important thing to realize, though, is that how we act and how we allow our pasts to influence us is what matters.
Next time your mind starts to define someone remember that where they have been is not the same place as you.
Use good judgment.
Speak in love and walk like He did. 

Old playlists

I drive down the street that I know so well.
I don't have to think, I know every bump.
I can ease off the gas and glide around the corners without even looking.
The light changes from yellow to red and I'm too late.
I click shuffle and the memories start to play.
My thumb is stuck on the skip button but I would rather have some flashbacks.
I forgot what it was like.
I remember every scene, every word.
It sort of stings, like hot water when your hands are cold.
It's addictive, but painful.
The song ends and I'm almost there.
Before it stops I skip back to the beginning.
I have to pull over, just to see the spot.
I can hear myself laughing, always "too loud" for you.
I see your crystal clear eyes and the song stops.
I'm glad 3:40 seconds are all I have.
I take it out of park and speed past.
I'm in autopilot again.
My tires dance around the yellow lines as i coast around the bends.
I'm home.
I see pictures of my life, it's so different than those months.
Those songs mean a lot, but they are just flash backs.
I sit in the ally, my truck idling.
I grin, cause I loved those songs.
I shrug cause they were just songs and there isn't a rewind button.
I close the door and its over.
They are over

far more

As the fog thickens steps begin to take more effort.

The trust and dependence in your sight is lessening as you inch further along. 

The path is not visible and you are frightened. 

The whispers in the wind are getting to your head. 

These demons of deception should not bring you down. 

Their steps are not yours. 

You are not with them. 

They swarm around you and you freeze. 

As you inhale your skin crawls and your gaze is interrupted.

All the failures and mistakes you have made flash before you. 

The haze you are now in is controlled by fear. 

Why are you afraid of the potential you hold?

They do not know you nor your future. 

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Your father hand picked the stars that guide the path. 

He crafted the Moon that is reflecting on the ponds surface. 

Push through this turmoil

Run past this hurt. 

These hypocrites do not define you. 

As you depend on the maker of the ground, take your stance. 

Move past this evil, stale air. 

You were made for more than fear. 

You were handcrafted my dear.