The Flavor of the Day

stop.
I have had some mistakes in my past, my present and lets face it, i am going to screw up in days to come. But God has blessed me with people in my life who care enough to call me, write me, and just hug me. Tell me they love me. All of me.
stop.
Sometimes i just look up at night. The dark canvas with fog seeping in slowly covering the bright, yet so far away glittering stars. I look up and realize that the sky is my dads art work. I watch the rain fall. Every drop He knows where it lands. I feel the sun burning my shoulders. He knows where every ray hits.  Every tear that falls from my cheek. He watches them fall to the ground.
stop.
School is so stressful. Not only the academics but everything else. Lately there has been so much drama. About nothing. Some peoples mouths are so dirty. Their thoughts are darker than a storm cloud and their words pierce through like spikes. Sometimes i wish they would all just go away. I realize i am not perfect, but thank you for sharing your opinion.
stop.
There is something about the comfort of having a "second family". The feeling that there are people out there who love you enough to have you over all the time. Let you eat their food. Let you have family night with them and that actually really love you. I have one of those family's. and i love them more than words can describe. It's four boys and Emily. They have taught how to not be "such a city girl". They have taught me how to understand baseball, well almost. They have taught me how to be truly happy. I love them all. i love that they tease me. i love that i hate that they make me go first when its dinner. i love their dad makes me text them when im home. i love them all.
stop.
i have made an amazing friend lately. He has really shown me how to just laugh at life and have fun. He makes me smile and laugh so much. God could tell that i needed more laughter in my life so he sent me him. I really am blessed to have him in my life. Sometimes i dont think that he knows how much i appreciate him since half the time im with him im hitting him or being mean, but really i do. More than he will ever know. I know that i dont have to try and make him like me, i dont have to change to be his friend. He likes me as me.
stop.
i am the oldest girl in my family. I have an older brother but sometimes that just doesnt cut it. I am positive that God saw this little hole in my heart and knew just who would fill it. And she has. I love my older sister so much. This is the girl that for about 2 weeks typed out 4 page long texts to me of a devotional just so that i would be encouraged. This is the girl who puts everything in her busy life on hold to calm me down when there is drama in my life. This is the girl who still stays in touch with a high schooler even though she is in college. This is my sister.
stop.
i.
am.
satisfied.

Substance

i went for a walk today.
i saw a little girl.
She was so happy, sweet and blissful. i didnt know her, but i could tell she was happy.
She didnt have a care in the world.
i want to be like that. i dont want to have this list of questions...
have you ever felt not good enough?
have you ever felt not strong enough?
have you ever felt not smart enough?
have you ever felt like you can't do the job well enough?
have you ever felt alone?
have you ever felt like you are drowning in a sea of silence?
have you ever felt like the words out of their mouths are lies?
have you ever felt nothing would ever fix what you have done?
have you ever felt so desperate that you can't breath?
have you ever felt like the only person you can talk to wont listen?
have you ever felt like the sky is not your limit, but that the ground is?
have you ever felt like me?

i just want to be happy and free.