Today is a day completely engulfed in love. Today is a day of promises being fulfilled & a day to realize God never once abandoned me, nor will He ever.
Today I am conflicted between homesickness and contentment. This little Amish state has been so good to me...that's evidence of a promise. Evidence that I haven't been left to fend for myself. I've been given the most spectacular people here. People who love me with a love that shakes my core. Men and women who convict me, care for me, sacrifice for me & value me. People that witness to me & hold me to standards. I see God here even in the darkest of times. I see His plan, step by step...I see why I need Pennsylvania & why He brought me back.
And then California knocks on my heart.
Today is a day of healing & a day of miracles. Today is a day full of promise and hope. As I wrestle with the deep anger and desire to be wrapped up in aunties white, linen sheets while snuggled inbetween the very souls that helped shape me I am so content here. My being is split down the center and I'm learning to be okay with that. I'm seeing the power of prayer and intentional behavior. I see the strength that only the Risen King can provide and i feel a very righteous anger toward our fallen state. I see heart break and what I want my marriage to look like: in sickness and in health. I see hurt. I see need. I tried to imagine how Mary felt yesterday, or even the disciples. Hopeful? Angry? Abandoned? Alone...I saw my family. I saw my aunt. I saw my mom.
Even through our tear stained prayers He hears every word.
I am confident of that.
Today I see Easter through a very different lense. I see the desparate importance of family. Of trust. Or surrender...Of complete surrender.
I see the importance of asking "why" with curiosity and not antimosoty. I see that there was never a promise stating it would be easy, I see that so clearly. But I see that there is a promise of eternal healing, forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration.
Today is a symbol. Today is the cornerstone. Today is a reminder to fight the fight worth fighting.
As the holes in His palms stretched and grew, as breathing became more and more difficult, blood running down His forehead, into His eyes and from His side, as the very union between Father and Son was torn, He hung there for me. He hung there for you.
Today is a reminder of grace unimaginable & love inconceivable.
Today is a day where love gained its meaning.
