Scotch tape and long lists

Today i sat in my room with Kelly, one of my dearest friends.
I was complaining about the fact that i can't take a DIY project to school because its too big and wont fit in my suit case.
Horrible, i know.
We were discussing dorm decorations and what we were going to take.
I looked around my room- the walls covered in pictures, quotes and posters of my favorite boys- i started pointing to what i wanted to take and what i would leave behind.
I checked my "countdown app" and a scary number appeared.
5 weeks.
Whoa, it is really sneaking up on me!
A few hours later i was in the car with Kell and our friend Shae, another gift from God.
We were blasting ghetto music and making complete fools out of ourselves.
And it didnt matter.
And that fact, that is what makes me love these girls.
That is what has made this summer so amazing.
I have been going nonstop and am actually kind of exhausted but at the same time i dont want to stop.
After driving and screaming at the top of our lungs we swung by Round Table to see my mom and sister & the cast of the current play to steal some pizza and congratulate them on a show well done.
I stopped and looked around while there were so many different conversations going on.
Even though i hate theater, with a fire passion, im so thankful for these people. I am thankful that they are a good group of kids for my baby sister to hang out with when i am gone, im thankful that she has something that she can do with her mom. im just thankful.
Today was a big reminder, yeah- i need to start thinking about packing up all my things(that fit in my suit case that is) and start looking for bed spreads that i want, today really just was a genuinely good day.
Smiles, laughs, memories and pictures that i can't forget
I really forget how blessed i am and today i was reminded of it all.

And it doesn't even matter

Have you been scared? Scared of leaving what you know, leaving behind the friends and the familiar faces. Have you ever been scared that maybe what you knew was not what was best for you. Have you ever been scared that what you're comfortable with actually brings out the worst in you. Have you ever looked back and seen your previous choices and regretted almost every single one? I have.
I felt that drop my stomach, where your palms get sweaty and your heart beats rapidly. I've been there and I've had that fear. But out of heartbreak comes your greatest strengths and out of sorrow comes your most defining moments. Out of hurt becomes your biggest triumphs and out of the trial comes a new and perfected love ready to blossom.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is it we all have hard times, we all experience heartbreak, we might even be the ones to inflict others with these feelings but the most important thing to know is that you don't have to be a continual repeat and you don't have to live in a habitual cycle. Letting go of some things can be difficult and sometimes those things are ripped out of your grasp. what we need to look at the end of the day is what you don't have to hold on to. Those who matter most are going to be the people that are there when you can't hold on anymore. Those are the people who matter

до свидания

It spills over the edge like water from a river slowly but surly making its way to a waterfall. With every drop of water you're forced into a comatose & your thoughts are printed bright and boldly right in front of you: 

"regret"

it burns into your eyes and no matter where you try to focus your attention on the words are shoved into your vision.All the sudden you're watching yourself, you scream and outstretch your arm as if you can help the inevitable. Tears roll down your face as you watch yourself fall for lie after lie. You see the "past you" slip into a sort of unconscious behavior. It's like you are standing with your back to a current and the "present you" knows your about to be swept under but there is absolutely nothing you can do. Absolutely nothing.

 "regret"

 The word flashes bright again. You try to believe "no regrets, live passionately and never look back" but then you take time to analyze your current and past hurts and your very existence is a rebuttal to that theory.     The water has swept you under and there is no use fighting it anymore. The "past you" is hurting and soon the "past you" and the "present you" morph into one- You look back & the drops of water fling over the edge & the waterfall runs into a stream- the current hurts but there is peace after the swells you've been stuck in, but as you look back 

"regret"