love and hate- for them, i appreciate

In the spirit of the holiday season i decided to blog about my family. 

We do not always get along. 

We dont always want to be with each other.

We fight.

We cry together. 

We laugh. 

We watch each other grow up. 

But most importantly, we love. 

Shanley and Me

Mitchell and Me 1995 

Mitch, Betsy and Me 2010

Bets and Me 2009

Mitch and Me 2009

The whole family  2012

What this family runs on

Betsy and Me 2010

Beta and Me 2010

Auntie and Me 2009

Mom,Dad and Bets 2008

We may not always be thrilled with our family members, but they are the only thing that is forever,
So cherish them 

Love, Someone Who Doesn't Deserve It

Dear my Dad,
The one no one would have guessed i had.
You hung the stars that shine so bright;
Look up and see then through the clouds at night.
The one who spoke my life to be;
you lived and died to set me free.
I wish that i could let you know,
I love you to the point i wont let go.
The one that blessed me with this town;
It brings me tears,smiles and many a frown.
The one that brought me Bradly Bee;
Without her there, just isn't me.
You made me short and full of spunk,
intolerant of ignorance and peoples junk.
The one who gave me Norma Lee:
the only person who always will cheer for me.
You blessed me with a fake family
though not by blood, i'm their Emily.
The one who shows me if i'm not okay,
With love You bring me to my knees to pray.
I wish i could have been there that cold and silent night,
That instant when your tiny heart beat took it's first flight,
With that heart now mine lives strong.
Thank you for the night that this all was done,
with your life, new life has just begun.

Pack up and Get Out of Here

I refuse to keep rewinding the tape. Re-watching mistakes. Re-living heart break.
Happiness is waiting to define me.
So this is me letting go and leaving that all behind.

Lucky

A joke.
The first time that the comedian tells it, it's funny. You laugh and it's over. Then the person tells it again...Alrighty, not as funny. Again.
Suddenly there is this silence that no one will penetrate. What just happened? Why does this person keep telling the joke?
Well, the same feeling goes to relationships.
You can't laugh at a joke over and over again, so why would you cry over the same person over and over again.
God provides and God's timing is better than any play writes' or story tellers'.
For a while i did not believe in this.
I didn't trust in it.
I pushed God's timing and i suffered the consequences.
But, like in everything, God had mercy and i learned a very valuable lesson.
Thanks to that mistake, i am a little more guarded and a lot more dependent on Him.
No wait, COMPLETELY dependent.
And boy does this pay off.
Know what you are worth.
Trust in it.
Be dependent and He will provide.

Lights,Tears,Joy,Mary,Chirstmas

The lights, they get me every year.
The garlands hanging on every street sign.
The crisp air that greets me with a oh so abrupt , "hello".
Scarfs, gloves, hot coco at school and the twinkling starts masked by mysterious clouds at night.


 I love Christmas.
I always have and i believe i always will.
I love the feeling.
The warmth and the safety of it.

I love the fact that i can remember what was done for me.
The symbol of the cross is lightly tossed around.
So many people wear it without knowing what it means.
It looks cool as a tattoo.
It displays strength.
Whatever the reason.
I love it.
I love it for more though.
I love it; it is my life.
Or the only reason i have life.
Today i went to a funeral to pay and show my respect.
As i walked down the sidewalk, heals clicking i paused.
Mentally preparing myself, "don't cry Emily."
I walked in somber and sad.
I sat still.
thinking.
As i hugged my loved one, " i love you."
Those very words are said so lightly today. But i meant them.

And as my savior hung on this symbol of forgiveness, he displayed the true meaning of love.
Walking out of the funeral home, watching my breath leave my mouth and melt into the chilled air a relief i never forget came over me.

Thanks to this symbol; thanks to Christmas, we are free.
As i came home tonight i was full of joy.
Full of thankfulness.
i came into my room and the glow of my christmas lights brought a smile to my face.
I just love this season so much.
I have been counting down since last February.
I mean really, I live for this day.
But really, that is wrong.
I live because of this day.
I owe it all to Christ.
I owe it all to the Cross.

I love the security of the 25th.
I love that this is true all 365 days of the year.

i love christmas

Investment

Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but the steadfast love of the Lord, surrounds the one who loves the Lord. - Psalms 32:10

Sometimes i think that i forget what i have. 

Forget who i serve. 

Forget about the steadfast love.

Or.

Maybe i just define it differently. 

Regardless, right now i may not know His definition of this love. 

So today, this week, December and 2012 i am going to just trust. 

Trust in the creator. 

I mean realistically, to put your faith in the creator of the universe- not such a bad plan. 

Prove Me Wrong

I've been hurt;But who hasn't
I've been lied to;But who hasn't.
I've been swept off my feet; But who hasn't.
Now im not saying this to make all of you feel sad.
I'm saying this to show you hope.
To prove all of the hurt wrong.

I am confident in Christ.
In His love, in His will and in His provision.
I am confident also that everything happens for a reason.
Some things we would rather not have happen to us, but they make us who we are.
without them i wouldn't be me.

Sometimes i really lose faith.
But then i remember that being treated right and being loved for who i am is what is important.
Sometime i forget that it'll all be okay.

I've been hurt;But soon i heal
I've been lied to;But i see the truth
I've been swept off my feet; and it'll happen again

tis the season

i know i post and talk about these two a lot, but really when you have amazing people in your life why keep it to yourself?
i LOVE these two girls so much and i am confident i would be lost without them.
so in the spirit of Christmas, joy and happiness....here is the reason behind my smile, my laugh, my happiness and my strength.
bradly and ill-igal.

For Ozzy

All this time that i was waitin'
Waitn' for you to come back here..
Ohh well who'd a thought i'd be sorry.
Sorry for what i thought that you had caused

Love is such a crazy battle.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
But i'd rather break in two.
Hurt so deep for you to call me "mine".
I stand here in your worn out shoes.
I took what you said and followed through.
Walked a mile and it's all so clear.
Ohhh.
I apologize and take it back..

You see this life can take you places.
Locations that will change your mind.
Ohh Never thought that this could happen.
A change of heart and leave it all behind.


Love is such a crazy battle.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
But i'd rather break in two.
Hurt so deep for you to call me "mine".
I stand here in your worn out shoes.
I took what you said and followed through.
Walked a mile and it's all so clear.
Ohhh.
I apologize and take it back..

I am sorry for what has happened.
For the hurt and all the sacrifices.
But now that i have seen the light,
Lets just start over and Free your mind.
I'm thankful for the time we had,
But even more so you've been so kind.

Cause, Love is such a crazy battle.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
But i'd rather break in two.
Hurt so deep for you to call me "mine".
I stand here in your worn out shoes.
I took what you said and followed through.
Walked a mile and it's all so clear.
Ohhh.
I apologize and take it back..


Ozzy,
i hope this is what you are looking for!

Wish i woulda known.

If i sat down to tell you how i felt we'd be here for days.
Lets just leave it at : disappointed.
Sincerely,
Guarded

Whatever may be

Getting ready to leave is a scary thing.
Especially when it isn't for months to come.
But lately something that has been on my mind is the past.
All the hurt, all the laughter. Everything.
I am just so thankful.
Thankful for it all.
While i was in it, sure i hated it.
But now i realized why i have been put through all of this.
God knew that i was going to be leaving.
God knew all along.
And of course i knew that, but i didn't trust in it.
Now God is just showing me the importance of trust.
The importance of obedience and the importance of faith.
Others opinions as strong as they may be are not what i need to listen to.
I need to and have to listen to Christ and His opinion of my life.
So thank you, Lord, thank you for Your voice and thank you for this small town.

Current Adj. To Describe Me

thank·ful  (thngkfl)

adj.

1. Aware and appreciative of a benefit; grateful.

2. Expressive of gratitude: a thankful smile.

At the End of the Day

This weekend has been amazing.
Things just have been falling into place and been being really, honestly sort of like a dream.
I got to be with my best friend all day Saturday,I got the most amazing, beautiful wonderful dress for Winter ball, THANK YOU Grandma:), movie night with Kell and My baby sister,shoe shopping, getting lost in Morgan hill, driving on the wrong side of the road, yelling at stupid cars and screaming at the top of my lungs with Shae, Visiting family- which never gets old, getting another gift from my Auntie, amazing worship and time of fellowship at church.
This weekend has also been hard though. Tough to say the least.

I have been reminded so much this weekend that God does give you hard situations.
Heck, He gives you situations that make you break and fall to your knees.
But in that moment, when everything else fades away and its just you and God, in that instance, you see God's love.
Because, you're not broken.
Well, you are, but who you are made whole in-

 He is not broken.

God has been chasing after my wild heart for 17 years.
I've been obedient sometimes, but most of the time i would rather just try things my own way.
How amazing is it that we serve a God who does not change.
He is faithful when we are faithless. 
Throughout the past few years i have come across people who don't like me, shocking- i know.
But today i really let one of them get to me. They consumed my thoughts. Changed my smile and hurt my heart.
Like a sickness bitterness spreads so quickly.
On my drive home i just started praying. Then quickly called my dear older sister, Aubrey.
Man does this girl shine so bright for Christ.
She reassured me that high school will end and that God is here through everything. She warned me though, that i need to act in a way that is pleasing to God. "dont let anyone say anything negative about you that is not true".
As i walked inside the house i looked into my arms; a brand new dress, high heels and Toms. WHAT do i have to complain about.
Each of the items reminded me of something.
Love- the dress.
Friendship and restoration- The heels.
Kindness when i don't deserve it- The Toms.
God has seriously blessed me with amazing people in my life. Yes, there are people who i would rather not be in the same room with- but at the end of my day who do i want to focus on?
That ONE person or the multiple people God has placed in my life to love me.
This weekend has been amazing.

JOY

I met her two years ago.
The moment i did was the moment i saw the real her.
Ever met someone and just thought, "Wow" ?
Yep, that's how i felt.
She came into our cabin 20 min. after lights out...but lets be clear, we were not anywhere near going to bed- yes, we were that cabin.
I was a Junior. 16 and loud. We all were. The whole cabin was loud.
She comes in with her friend, Summer. They both were sweet. Sweet and gentle. They just asked some questions, just wanted to get to know us.
That is one thing that still to this day amazes me.
She was in college at the time and really could have been doing anything else. But no, she was miles out of the city, no cell phone service, powdered eggs and mosquitoes everywhere. That. is where she chose to be.
Well, the girls threw their various problems at her and Summer. But i held my tongue.
Who was this girl?
Why did she care so much?
Did she really care?
Nope, i can't just poor my problems out on her.
Well the week went on and i sort of tried to avoid her.
People that care, well i am a little scared of them.
Finally with the help of my best friend, i told this stranger about my life.
I poured out my hurt and my fears...
I had nothing to be scared of.
Camp ended and we all went down the hill to civilization. I thought i would never see her again.
Literally 3 weeks later i got a Facebook message from her. She was checking up on me.
She cared.
The next summer i looked up the band for Camp.
IT WAS HER.
Her band was coming.
Thank you Lord.
As we drove up the hill my stomach turned.
Not just because i was car sick, but i was nervous.
Nervous that i wouldn't measure up.
She was, and is, everything that i want to be "when i grow up".
She loves Jesus first.
She is BEAUTIFUL.
She is respectful.
She has great style.
She trusts.
She loves.
So as she came around the corner, i wanted to cry. But seriously people it was only Sunday and i could not start crying then!
That whole week as she sang in worship i just thanking God for her.
By the end of the week i had fallen even more in love with her.
Thank you Jesus, for this girl.
As we left i was just so joyful. She helps me depend of God for joy. nothing else. Just God.
Well i never thought that i would be saying this but i still talk to her.
Shes on my speed dial for crying out loud!
I love this girl so much.
And more than that, i am thankful for her.
I am thankful for her influence in my life.
Junior year was a hard year for me and i am confident that God placed her in my life to show me what joy is.
So this is to you,
this is to all the "pray for me" texts.
the tears at camp.
the laughs.
the boy talks.
the girl talks.
the advice.
the hugs.
everything.
Thank you.
This ones for you, Monique

Laughable

Puppets is how you treat them.
Too high are you expectations.
Drop to their knees to worship,
if the sun is shining- they should be praising.

If something else consumes their mind,
you stand up tall, demand their eyes.

It seems as if they don't care.
That look in your eyes...watch out.
For your wrath; beware.
Revenge for you is worth the lies.
On your tip-toes, does your nose hurt?
So high in the air, watch your step as you are trampling over us.

Comical one would say.
Hilarious they might even shutter.
Your immaturity masked as heartbreak.
Sometimes your ruse is sweeps them under.
The waves of guilt consume their world.
Caught in your undertow; its hard to breathe.

But soon they'll see.
find out this ludicrousness.
Notice your lying tongue and
after all the dark, hurt and lack of love,
We will break out at dawn just like a white pure dove.
And you will be lost- without love.

Just Not The Same

to break a promise.
to be who you claimed not to be.
to talk about me behind my back.
to be fake.

I watch you be this "new you"
I see snap shots of the life you have made.
I get that you want to fit in
I understand you were not happy.

Being this new you, is it working?
Are you happy with the people you claimed once to hate?
How does being two sided feel?
Do you even remember who you were?

I remember the old you.
I wish you could find them.
When you do,
let me know.

"He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story
No one would believe
He prays every night
"Dear God won't you please
Could you send someone here
Who will love me?"

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done
Or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
Her office is shrinking a little each day
She's the woman whose husband has run away
She'll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would've stayed
And she says... 


Not for what I have done
Or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
What love really means

He's waiting to die as he sits all alone
He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
"Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home"

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said, 
"I know you've murdered and I know you've lied
And I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you'll listen I'll, I'll tell you that I..."

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done
Or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew
Love you for you
Not for what you have done
Or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew"- JJ Heller 


This song really gets me deep.i LOVE it. 'nuff said.

The Room

Cuddled inside as the wind attacked the shutters
and rain danced across the glass.
Silly story telling, laughs and dreams.
Embracing when we're broken.
Laughing when there is nothing that can crack us.
From then to now.
The holidays to the school nights.
Tears that fall from laughter or hurt.
All the time knowing that we were safe.
Soon this is coming to an end.
Walk up the stairs and everything melts away.
The safety here on Earth that i can't explain.
So many pointless "plans" & long manipulative strategies.
Lists for Christmas and what we want in a boy.
Singing for a reply and make up that looks like death.
Sleeping safe, with love down stairs.
The comfort found at this place is unknown.
Fireworks exploding, swimming in the dark.
Summer sun soaking deep beneath the skin.
Horror films that cast shadows of fear,
Bubble baths that expel all weakness and hurt.
Music in the back yard.
The sound track of our life.
Looking at each other-
Burst of laughter.
Holding you when you cry,
leaning in when i'm scared to look.
Last night tears came.
"Never again, after 8 months"
But they quickly left,
You are not going to change and neither am i.
Accents might change our voice,
But no one can take you- it's just not a choice.

Gifts

Today...This week...This fall...has been tough.
College, Boys, Girls, God, Family, Health, Grades, Rumors. EVERYTHING.
It's just been one thing after another, and yes some of you are thinking, " Wow you sure complain a lot."
But in all honesty i am having that same thought over and over again.
I guess at the moment being happy is just not an option.
Today i got slapped in the face.
I am so thankful for unconditional love because with out it i would be stranded.
Today people said some things that hurt.
Today classes were long and teenagers acted their age.
But today...this week...this fall God has been teaching what the word dependent means.

Noun

1.

dependant - a person who relies on another person for support.

Tonight i had an amazing conversation with someone who i love more than words can describe. 

We poured our problems out like sand on a table. 

Sifting through the hurt,anger and "malice-full-ness" i saw one thing. 

God gives us gifts. 

And to be frank, She is one of them. 

We have a lot in common. 

Good things, and bad things but what is most important to me is that we can have a conversation deeper than how hot a guy is. We talk about big, heavy stuff.

As we came to a conclusion i just realized that God never gives you more than you can handle. NEVER. 

But all through the night there was a topic which i could tell we were both thinking of, but neither of us wanted to bring up. 

August of next year might be too much.  

I am leaving. 

God willing i will be on the East coast. 

That isn't even the same time zone. 

crap. 

I do not think i can handle that. 

But God also tells us not to worry about tomorrow, for today has enough troubles of it's own. 

Personally, i feel like He was writing that with me in mind. 

Cause, im a worrier. 

As we talked tonight we came to a conclusion, whenever there is a dip in your life- be it a puddle or the Grand Canyon there is always a peek after. God always rescues you and brings you closer. 

Every down has an up that is higher than the last. 

And every day God loves you regardless of what you have done or what you have not done. 

So even though this blog is all over the place and i am sure no one has continued reading this far...let me just say one thing. 

God gives us gifts. You may not know it but i can promise that you are that gift to someone. 

God gives us gifts.

hurt

pain

love

loneliness

tears

smiles. 

God gives them all. 

Worth it

I guess right now i am just confused.
I thought i had everything figured out.
what school i wanted to go to, who i liked, what i wanted to do after school and why i wanted to do everything...
I could not have been more wrong.
I guess i am just irritated because everything seemed PERFECT.
but alright, if i thought everything was perfect and it ended up not being Gods plan...just think of how much BETTER Gods plan will be for me.
I guess right now i have to admit to being wrong.
Something i am not very good at.
But if my perfect isn't good enough then God's perfect is going to be so much better, that it is worth the wait.

As He puts it

Shadows.
Shadows haunt you when least expect it.
Sunny days soon form clouds and rain down on happiness.
Shadows.
Shadows hide what you want, no need to see.
Summer dreams and winter nights- regrets in the sunset and tears in the rain.
Shadows.
Shadows sometimes show you what you wish for.
Hurtful words that never are said, but always felt.
Shadows.
Shadows are what make me see the light.
Glances that make your heart skip, hugs that make your day.
Shadows.

Well im done hiding behind the sunlight and running from the rain.
Some days are harder than others.
Some days i cant help but smile.
Someone very close to me told me this , "Tomorrow is a new day, sunrise and chance"
Believe in those words.
I do.
Trust in these words.
I do.
Shadows will be your comfort and they will be  your pain.
So trust in tomorrow.

Things that matter

Mary& Kaitlyn
 Smiles,tears,hugs,"the look",coffee and sushi.
THEY ARE MY LIFE.
Really. 

Tea Dukes.
This kid used to make me SO irritated.
Wait, he still does- Besides the point.
I love this kid so much because i know that no matter what, he will always be there for me. 

Twins separated at birth by two years.
This girl is a true gift from God.
without her-No one would understand my theories, my tears and my laughter

The song that Pandora chooses to play. 

The picture you see on your wall. 

The goose bumps you get that make you want to cry or laugh...

not being able to tell how you feel.

Being preoccupied and so proud of yourself. 

Things you do everyday, that all the sudden spark a light in your heart. 

That spark that sets a fire of emotion. 

Soon being smoked out by the fear of the unknown, yet not being brave enough to actually demand the truth. 

The flames that surround you of self doubt...

Soon its all about you and if you are good enough. 

The perfect distraction that turns into the biggest reminder. 

The moment when your phone lights up.

Your heart stops. 

Stomach drops. 

Not them. 

Back to pretending youre okay. 

We just want to be loved in return.  

Satisfaction is defined differently by everyone. 

My definition is you. 

Joy is also another gray area. 

Do you really find your joy in another person?

What if Joy could have more than one root. 

If so, 

Youre that root. 

That feeling of being someone special. 

You. 

That happiness that no one can crush. 

You. 

Felling like youre in a movie and music is your sound track.

Some things are not attainable but somethings are. 

Happiness is. 

Hello. 

For Max & Esther

The smell of freshly baked cookies as you walk through the living room door, packing your bags for a weekend at Grandma’s, getting homemade pajamas for Christmas, looking up to the stands and seeing your number one fan cheering you on, hugs that have the power to take away any kind of hurt and most of all a love that will outlast any drought that life puts you through. I missed out on all of these things. Before I was born my grandmother was taken from me. She was taken by something that I have a deep hatred for: Cancer .Not only did it take my grandmother away but I also lost my eight year old cousin as well. I have grown up without a grandma and now I lost one of my cousins, these two people and their absence has hurt me deeper than I can explain.

Despite this hurt though I have found strength. Even though I did not know my Grandmother I know that she would be proud of me and of who I have become. I look at her pictures; listen closely when grandfather talks about his, “Juliet” trying to capture a part of her and what she believed in, what she stood for. From what I have heard, she was a fighter. She was bold. She was independent. She was love. My Grandmother was a mother of four children who she showered them with her love daily. According to my grandfather she was a house-wife only so that she could make sure that her kids “had someone to come home to and someone on fighting for them”. She had spunk, but also was modest. She is everything that I hope to be. Living without a Grandmother has been tough, I’ve been blessed to have a best friend with amazing Grandparents who have “adopted me” but it is not the same. No one can replace her and no one ever will.

Even though it has been a rough road I am thankful to the effects cancer has had on me. I am a much stronger person due to caner and it has taught me to love louder right now than waiting to love. Not only have I lost my Grandmother but just months ago I lost my little cousin, Max. He had leukemia and lost his 6 yearlong battle in May. I have never been so hurt, never felt so along, and never been so sad. But losing Max has had a positive effect on me, just like losing my Grandma. What should have been T-ball, Monster trucks, pirates and Lego's was turned into Chemotherapy, Dr. trips and IV's. Max's life was changed drastically and in turn so was mine. Max is a daily inspiration to try my hardest. In his last months of Chemotherapy he refused to stay in bed, he went to T-ball practices, played in the games and lived his life to the fullest.

I refuse to let the loss of Max and my Grandma hold me back. Yes it hurts, it hurts very much. But I know that they both would want me to push myself. To be the best I can. So due to them I am perusing a 4 year college and a Masters in Social Work. Cancer has hurt me, it has wounded me to say the least, but I will use that hurt to fuel my passion for life, just as they both did.

I Have a Dear Friend...

I have a friend who i cherish dearly. She is always one phone call away and quickly gives me amazing support and advice. Her name is Christina Loyd. I love this girl so much.

She has a deep passion for her life, family and friends and now- photography. But she doesn't just take photos, she puts her heart and soul into it. She just started this journey, but already is doing great! So far all she has started capturing are nature shots but i know that there is a great future for her and i support her all the way. So here is her sight, look and fall in love with her work. i love you T, and good luck! http://www.wix.com/loydchristina/photography#!

Twisted

Our words morph into different things all the time. 

Sometimes for the better. 

Sometimes for the worse. 

Being a girl in high school is tough.

Especially when it comes to words.

I can not decide which words hurt more. 

The words that are lies

The words that are overheard 

The words that are said with bad intentions 

or 

the words that are true. 

Do you ever feel like sometimes, 

the words that hurt the most were in fact

not meant to hurt. 

OR

That the words that we cling to,

the ones we run to for safety were in fact,

not meant to be a safe haven, but really were just 

space on a page, or letters of a text. 

i hate words. 

I hate getting so strung up on one note,text,phone call,sentence or IM. 

I hate that i have so many locked texts on my phone.

I read it one way but...

what did he mean when he sent it?

i hate when someone beats around the bush. 

Just be honest, 

because in the long run i would rather know. 

And if the answer is no, i will be fine. 

Ill move on. 

cause you are not the first to disappoint.

And ULTIMATELY my happiness doesn't depend on you. 

I mean, some could argue that it does,

but then what would we have to say about all the past ones?

This goes for everyone.

As humans we are stuck in today and the past. 

Start looking into the future and to the road ahead. 

EVERYTHING that has ever happened to you

makes you who you are today. 

All those text from people who have hurt you. 

The break up phone calls,

the well-i-dont-really-want-anything-serious texts,

the "i think of you as a little sister" IM's

All of those ones hurt. 

like a knife to the back they sting and you never see them coming. 

But wait.

There is truth out there 

and there are people who do really care. 

But what you have to distinguish for yourself is

how much you are going to let others words dictate 

YOUR LIFE.

Hold on to the ones that are valid. 

and even more so, hold on to those who speak these truths. 

i hate words. 

Him

i.
will.
not.
settle.
BUT.
i.
will.
wait...

She's a Keeper

My Mary. 

OH boy. I do not even know where to start. 

How about the numerous times that i have called her crying(lets be real..it happens all the time) and she drops everything for me and drives over ASAP. What about all the times she has taken me places when i had no car. Wait! what about all the times when i have felt totally worthless and she has been there telling me that i'm wrong. And all the Togo lunch dates. The times when EVEN though she is with her Boyfriend, she still comes and comforts me. What about the day that Max died. Who was the first person to offer their house to me? Who hugged me while i cried my eyes out after drama? Who has taken time and love out of their life the most, recently to prove to me that i am worth it and that i am a good friend?

Oh shoot- i have to go with Mary. 

Mary, if you are reading this(you better be!) i want you to know how much i love you. You are an amazing friend through and through(ew that was way to cliche). I swear you do not see how much you mean to everyone whose life you touch. Just the simplest things like posting a quote on my fb. or texting me "ilove you" those things prove to me that you care for real, not just because you are "friends" and you feel obligated. Mary, you are a spectacular friend and DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE TELL YOU OTHERWISE! 

One of my most favorite things about Mary is her love for others. She is glowing with love! One day just stands out so bright to me. We were on our way to Jamba Juice and my current boyfriend called me. My heart stopped, eyes filled to the brim. I hung up. And was now single. I tried to pull myself together, but that was not happening anytime soon. She called her boyfriend, told him to change my face book status, then to erase it from my wall to prevent talk. Then she drove me, mascara down my cheeks, red puffy eyes home where she then stayed with me all afternoon, we went to Tip n' Toe and then she spent the night with me. NEVER once did she even think about leaving me. But that is just Mary. She wont ever leave. 
That can be a negative thing though, love. 
Sometimes you let people use you. So this is my pledge to you to love you unconditionally as best i can. to not walk all over you and to treat you how you are supposed to be treated! 
I am so proud of you,lovely, for standing up for yourself. 



 


 SO here is to US, and our friendship. 
Here is to:
laughs
tears
hugs
"mix cd's"
window markers
boys <3 
nasty girls
hurtful words
funny jokes
cute texts 
and everything else that makes up our lives. 

But more importantly,

Here is to an amazing, spectacular friend, 

Mary. 

Beautiful on the inside, as well as the outside. 

So this is for you, Ill-igal! My other half ;) 

The Friend We Don't Deserve

I have lied to said friend. 
I have stabbed said friend in the back. 
I have talked crap about said friend.
I have denied my relationship with said friend.
I have ignored said friend.
I have questioned said friends love and devotion. 
I have lied about said friend.
I have accused said friend of things they did not do. 
I have spread untrue rumors about said friend.
I have forgotten about said friend. 


This friend STILL through all of this, loves me more than i can describe. 
"Who is this friend?" you ask.

Well. 
His name is Jesus Christ,
Holy, Holy,Holy. 
His name is Alpha and Omega 
He is the Author of Life 

He is the Blessed and only Ruler 

His name is the Author and Perfecter of our Faith

His name is The Chief Cornerstone 
His name is my father. 

i.
do.
not.
deserve.
Him.
I don't. But that is just the thing. THAT is what is so great about my dad. 
He loved me FIRST. Not after i asked Him to. 
He chose me. I didn't sign up for Him. 
And doesn't knowing that someone wants you, someone thinks you are WORTH DYING for just amazing?
Cause i do not know if i can honestly say that i would die for any of my friends.  
BUT this friend. 
THIS friend is never going to leave you, never going to forsake you. EVEN when you deserve it. 




"even the righteousness of God, through faith in Jesus Christ, to all and on all who believe. For there is no difference; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"
Romans 3:22-23,


"For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."
Jeremiah 31:34 



I have lied to said friend. 
He only speaks truth to me. 
I have stabbed said friend in the back. 
He took out the knife and forgave. 
I have talked crap about said friend.
He forgives.
I have denied my relationship with said friend.
He claims me as his own.
I have ignored said friend.
He never turns his back on me.
I have questioned said friends love and devotion. 
He loves UNCONDITIONALLY.
I have lied about said friend.
He forgives.
I have accused said friend of things they did not do. 
He is never wrong. 
I have spread untrue rumors about said friend.
He is truth. 
I have forgotten about said friend. 
He will never forget me. 


Because, He is the friend that none of us deserve. 

For us Girls...

Im normally not one to submit to societies suggested ways or patterns. I really dont like blogs that are all about that either. i have my own sense of direction and that is clear to most. So this blog is quite out of the usual. but all of these quotes i do believe in. So if you are reading this, take them to heart. Really.