Any time of change is a hard time. It's not natural and it can be painful.
As i went through security in San Fransisco tears rolled down my cheeks. I turned around and watched my best friend walk out the automatic doors wiping away the tears we vowed we wouldn't shed. I checked my bags and got ready to go through the security.
"Why is this your plan for me? Why am i so far away from the people i love. The people that know my story. Why is it this hard and why do i feel so alone?" - these thoughts raced through my head as i placed my laptop in its own bucket and pushed it on to the conveyer belt. As i collected my things and headed toward my gate.
As i waited in my gate, sat on my plane and waited for my ride to come the same prayer was running through my head, "Your will be done, not mine- even if it hurts". Well, i can say with complete assurance that God's will is being done, but that it is a stretch.
Since being back at school things have been going relatively smooth. I like my class schedule and i am enjoying my professors. On the other hand, being so far away has been a real struggle. But through the struggle i have been able to find peace and hope.
Less than 24 hours ago i could not have said that statement. So many different things have been consuming my mind this week that looking on the bright side seemed unrealistic. Fitting His character, God has been very loving in showing me that it is never unrealistic. He has sent different people into my life to push me even when i don't want to be pushed.
They push me because they know i need it.
They reassure me of their love when i feel alone.
They pray for me on days when i don't feel like praying
&
They support me when i need it most.
Change is hard. It can be unexpected and frusterating. Nevertheless, trusting acceptance of trials grows endurance and builds blessings that FAR outweigh the hurt and pain. Christ has called me to "follow Him". That means He is leading the way. That means that my journey in life is being mapped out by the creator of the galaxies and the depths of the sea. That is comfort enough.
Change is scary. Being alone is frightening and i don't like it. But sometimes God calls us to things that are not ideal. In my devotional, Jesus Calling, a line stood out to me,
"When you seek Me, you find Me and are satisfied."
I want to desperately seek God's will in my life. Sometimes it is going to be hard. I'm going to cry and i am going to have bad days, but His words are greater than my reality. He has a precious plan for me.
Who am i to second guess it.
