Stormy forecast

Have you ever noticed that when pray and request God's guidance, things take a turn in a very drastic way for the better? 

It may seem trivial and small, but this realization just hit me today. 

Christ is big enough to make things happen; trust and believe in Him. 

Our lives here on Earth were never supposed to be easy, but being able to be joyful through them is not only the best decision but also an uplifting one. 

How great is our God?

That. 

Great. 

Gain some Weight

Something has been gripping me lately.
I haven't really been able to figure out what exactly it is, but its been pulling my heart.

Today, i was laying in bed daydreaming. When i came back into focus, i saw something that's on my wall. The lyrics to How He Loves are posted right about my vanity. My eyes never grow tired of reading those lyrics. I love the imagery that comes along with, "the weight of His wind and mercy" and the goose bumps that follow quickly after reading, "And i realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me".
This song helps me live.
It helps me get through horrible, cloudy& gloomy days.
So today as i was rereading the words i am oh-so familiar with, i realized something...and it almost hurt to realize this but at the same time i was glad to stumble over it.
I don't have enough God in my life.
That's a bold statement, i know. But its true. I just feel like as a senior in high school there are not a vast amount of ways to serve God. I'm not knocking my youth group or my home church at all, don't think that, i just feel melancholy.
So today i was in the car with my little sister and instead of listening to my newest mix CD with songs we know all the words to and ones we even have dances made up to for, i put on my mom's worship rehearsal CD. Then it hit me. Song after song the lyrics were screaming at me. Trying so hard to get my attention.
It doesn't matter where  you are, how old you are or what you are doing. You can serve God anywhere.
Then i also came to the conclusion that we are humans need to take more responsibly for our actions. Not just the bad ones, the good ones too. The bible calls us to do everything as if we are doing it for the Lord, that includes high school activities as well as careers.
As i drove home the words "i am alive in Him and He is alive in me " floated through the car. Just as they almost left out the back window i  said them over to myself.
Yes, as an 18 year old student in a town that's too small i might get the feeling that there is more out there for me to be doing, but that does not mean that God is any less great or any less magnificent.
Yes, i want to just pack up all my things and move to the East coast to start my new life, but that doesn't mean that when i move over there everything will change.
Right now, i'm here. I'm 18 and i'm still in school.
But also, right now i have the opportunity  to serve God in any way possible.
So my challenge to you is that you think about your life, your actions and your ambition. Think about your plans and your desires.
Are they of God?
Are they serving God?

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory

If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.

Eye of it

i don't know how to describe how i feel. And i dont like that. Normally i can just begin to write and slowly, like water dripping from the gutter after the storm has cleared, my hurts, wants and thoughts pour out onto the page.
Tonight it is different.
I have been sitting here just staring at the keys.
Then i noticed something.
I don't have a Q key on my lap top.
It broke off in a cleaning incident a while ago and i never replaced it; thankfully my computer is still working perfectly without the key.
From the outside looking on, the board is not complete. It's covered in hair spray, there is dust in between each set of keys and its missing a consonant. my poor little lap top isn't a mac, it isn't new and it isn't in perfect condition.
I realized, im a lot like my computer.
I have, for lack of a better word, crap in my life. I have hurt and i have lost parts of myself to others. But i still work.
God didn't plan for me to be perfect, he didn't plan for me to sail through life. He has put trials in my life that while in them i honestly do not think i can make it. But every time, i am fine.
every.
time.
I don't know how to describe how i feel, but what i do know is that right now im in the middle of the hurt and the trial, but there is a brighter tomorrow.
a better chapter.

addictions are hard to brear

i dont think that was fair.
it wasnt necessarily
it dont make things better
i guess its the thought that counts but what were your intentions
did you picture tears laughs or hurt
apologies are wise
but this feels so generic
it hurts but at the same time it feels like freedom
i dont think it was fair.
i dont want to re-read it but i keep starting over
did your stomach drop as you ran from the door
do you hurt
was this worth it


doubt it

10

I am so excited.
Ten days.
In ten days i will be driving to the air port, boarding a plane and flying to PA.
I am so excited.
Ten Days.
In ten days i get to get out of this small town atmosphere and see something new.

I am so excited.
Ten days.
In ten days i will leave the hurt and drama on the west coast and take a mini vacation to the East coast.
I am so excited.
Ten days.
In ten days ill see what it is like to be in college; sit in on classes and go to the cafeteria.
I am so excited.
Ten days.
In ten days i get to go and chase my passion.

I am so excited.
Ten days.
Ten days

An overwhelming desire

The same faces everyday,
the same plot line, and controversy.
The same hurt.
The same story and apology.
The same anger,fear and blame.
Nothing changes, its all the same.

The same fantasy, crushed and broken.
The same wonder, dissolved and lost.
The same tears and pick up lines.
The same chorus sung too many times.
Nothing is different, no changes in this story.