I remember it so clearly. My mom and I were sitting in the chairs of chapel, left front. We all stood to sing & I couldn't stop my tears. I held my moms hand & sang, "spirit lead me where my trust is without borders"
For the 18 year old Emily, that meant going to school in a tiny Amish farmland community & leaving behind sunny California to major in Social Work. A choice She was thrilled about...contrary to many people's opinion. It meant crying herself to sleep because She was so homesick. It meant cookie-care packages & Easter baskets in Fed-Ex envelopes.
After packing my belongings and transferring to Simpson this song continued to be played often. It suddenly was like a motto. I remember standing by Kelsey one day in the back of the gym "take me deeper than my feet could ever wander"... We were all learning how to process change and growth.
As a sophomore this meant leaving behind LBC memories and making new ones in 100 degree weather. It meant a music class that I hated and boys who taught me a lot about myself. It also brought promise because home was a short 5 hour drive away.
The next year as I flew back to the east coast this song had gained a place in my heart. "Your grace abounds in deepest waters"...I was drowning and needed this reassurance. Molly would send me screen shots of her Jesus Pandora whenever the song played. It reminded her of me. It reminded me of His love for me...no matter the mistakes, hurt or heart break.
I sat holding Betsy's hand, tears streaming down our cheeks. Auntie and uncle Ted had their fingers laced & the song came on. She forced her eyes open and said "this has been Ted's prayer the whole time he's been fighting cancer, but sometimes I don't want to go deeper than my feet could wander."
One of my last memories with him is this song.
My last year of undergrad starts tomorrow. Trauma, heartbreak, sorrow, laughs, memories & teachable moments have all happened surrounded by this song. I don't wish to go deeper than my feet would want...but if you call me out on the waters, I will call upon Your name & rest in Your embrace.
I am Yours & You are mine.
