love and hate- for them, i appreciate

In the spirit of the holiday season i decided to blog about my family. 

We do not always get along. 

We dont always want to be with each other.

We fight.

We cry together. 

We laugh. 

We watch each other grow up. 

But most importantly, we love. 

Shanley and Me

Mitchell and Me 1995 

Mitch, Betsy and Me 2010

Bets and Me 2009

Mitch and Me 2009

The whole family  2012

What this family runs on

Betsy and Me 2010

Beta and Me 2010

Auntie and Me 2009

Mom,Dad and Bets 2008

We may not always be thrilled with our family members, but they are the only thing that is forever,
So cherish them 

Love, Someone Who Doesn't Deserve It

Dear my Dad,
The one no one would have guessed i had.
You hung the stars that shine so bright;
Look up and see then through the clouds at night.
The one who spoke my life to be;
you lived and died to set me free.
I wish that i could let you know,
I love you to the point i wont let go.
The one that blessed me with this town;
It brings me tears,smiles and many a frown.
The one that brought me Bradly Bee;
Without her there, just isn't me.
You made me short and full of spunk,
intolerant of ignorance and peoples junk.
The one who gave me Norma Lee:
the only person who always will cheer for me.
You blessed me with a fake family
though not by blood, i'm their Emily.
The one who shows me if i'm not okay,
With love You bring me to my knees to pray.
I wish i could have been there that cold and silent night,
That instant when your tiny heart beat took it's first flight,
With that heart now mine lives strong.
Thank you for the night that this all was done,
with your life, new life has just begun.

Pack up and Get Out of Here

I refuse to keep rewinding the tape. Re-watching mistakes. Re-living heart break.
Happiness is waiting to define me.
So this is me letting go and leaving that all behind.

Lucky

A joke.
The first time that the comedian tells it, it's funny. You laugh and it's over. Then the person tells it again...Alrighty, not as funny. Again.
Suddenly there is this silence that no one will penetrate. What just happened? Why does this person keep telling the joke?
Well, the same feeling goes to relationships.
You can't laugh at a joke over and over again, so why would you cry over the same person over and over again.
God provides and God's timing is better than any play writes' or story tellers'.
For a while i did not believe in this.
I didn't trust in it.
I pushed God's timing and i suffered the consequences.
But, like in everything, God had mercy and i learned a very valuable lesson.
Thanks to that mistake, i am a little more guarded and a lot more dependent on Him.
No wait, COMPLETELY dependent.
And boy does this pay off.
Know what you are worth.
Trust in it.
Be dependent and He will provide.

Lights,Tears,Joy,Mary,Chirstmas

The lights, they get me every year.
The garlands hanging on every street sign.
The crisp air that greets me with a oh so abrupt , "hello".
Scarfs, gloves, hot coco at school and the twinkling starts masked by mysterious clouds at night.


 I love Christmas.
I always have and i believe i always will.
I love the feeling.
The warmth and the safety of it.

I love the fact that i can remember what was done for me.
The symbol of the cross is lightly tossed around.
So many people wear it without knowing what it means.
It looks cool as a tattoo.
It displays strength.
Whatever the reason.
I love it.
I love it for more though.
I love it; it is my life.
Or the only reason i have life.
Today i went to a funeral to pay and show my respect.
As i walked down the sidewalk, heals clicking i paused.
Mentally preparing myself, "don't cry Emily."
I walked in somber and sad.
I sat still.
thinking.
As i hugged my loved one, " i love you."
Those very words are said so lightly today. But i meant them.

And as my savior hung on this symbol of forgiveness, he displayed the true meaning of love.
Walking out of the funeral home, watching my breath leave my mouth and melt into the chilled air a relief i never forget came over me.

Thanks to this symbol; thanks to Christmas, we are free.
As i came home tonight i was full of joy.
Full of thankfulness.
i came into my room and the glow of my christmas lights brought a smile to my face.
I just love this season so much.
I have been counting down since last February.
I mean really, I live for this day.
But really, that is wrong.
I live because of this day.
I owe it all to Christ.
I owe it all to the Cross.

I love the security of the 25th.
I love that this is true all 365 days of the year.

i love christmas

Investment

Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but the steadfast love of the Lord, surrounds the one who loves the Lord. - Psalms 32:10

Sometimes i think that i forget what i have. 

Forget who i serve. 

Forget about the steadfast love.

Or.

Maybe i just define it differently. 

Regardless, right now i may not know His definition of this love. 

So today, this week, December and 2012 i am going to just trust. 

Trust in the creator. 

I mean realistically, to put your faith in the creator of the universe- not such a bad plan. 

Prove Me Wrong

I've been hurt;But who hasn't
I've been lied to;But who hasn't.
I've been swept off my feet; But who hasn't.
Now im not saying this to make all of you feel sad.
I'm saying this to show you hope.
To prove all of the hurt wrong.

I am confident in Christ.
In His love, in His will and in His provision.
I am confident also that everything happens for a reason.
Some things we would rather not have happen to us, but they make us who we are.
without them i wouldn't be me.

Sometimes i really lose faith.
But then i remember that being treated right and being loved for who i am is what is important.
Sometime i forget that it'll all be okay.

I've been hurt;But soon i heal
I've been lied to;But i see the truth
I've been swept off my feet; and it'll happen again

tis the season

i know i post and talk about these two a lot, but really when you have amazing people in your life why keep it to yourself?
i LOVE these two girls so much and i am confident i would be lost without them.
so in the spirit of Christmas, joy and happiness....here is the reason behind my smile, my laugh, my happiness and my strength.
bradly and ill-igal.

For Ozzy

All this time that i was waitin'
Waitn' for you to come back here..
Ohh well who'd a thought i'd be sorry.
Sorry for what i thought that you had caused

Love is such a crazy battle.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
But i'd rather break in two.
Hurt so deep for you to call me "mine".
I stand here in your worn out shoes.
I took what you said and followed through.
Walked a mile and it's all so clear.
Ohhh.
I apologize and take it back..

You see this life can take you places.
Locations that will change your mind.
Ohh Never thought that this could happen.
A change of heart and leave it all behind.


Love is such a crazy battle.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
But i'd rather break in two.
Hurt so deep for you to call me "mine".
I stand here in your worn out shoes.
I took what you said and followed through.
Walked a mile and it's all so clear.
Ohhh.
I apologize and take it back..

I am sorry for what has happened.
For the hurt and all the sacrifices.
But now that i have seen the light,
Lets just start over and Free your mind.
I'm thankful for the time we had,
But even more so you've been so kind.

Cause, Love is such a crazy battle.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
But i'd rather break in two.
Hurt so deep for you to call me "mine".
I stand here in your worn out shoes.
I took what you said and followed through.
Walked a mile and it's all so clear.
Ohhh.
I apologize and take it back..


Ozzy,
i hope this is what you are looking for!

Wish i woulda known.

If i sat down to tell you how i felt we'd be here for days.
Lets just leave it at : disappointed.
Sincerely,
Guarded

Whatever may be

Getting ready to leave is a scary thing.
Especially when it isn't for months to come.
But lately something that has been on my mind is the past.
All the hurt, all the laughter. Everything.
I am just so thankful.
Thankful for it all.
While i was in it, sure i hated it.
But now i realized why i have been put through all of this.
God knew that i was going to be leaving.
God knew all along.
And of course i knew that, but i didn't trust in it.
Now God is just showing me the importance of trust.
The importance of obedience and the importance of faith.
Others opinions as strong as they may be are not what i need to listen to.
I need to and have to listen to Christ and His opinion of my life.
So thank you, Lord, thank you for Your voice and thank you for this small town.