Sunday Morning

humming.
a silence and eeriness tiptoe across your skin and leave behind goosebumps.
spinning.
discomfort and irritation flood your heart, resulting in an ache much deeper than just your stomach.
certainty.
that nothing will be what you are told.
desire.
for wind, because its spontaneous nature is at least dependable.
absence.
of anything you knew, leaving your world on its side & your heart in two.
stay.
aware of beauty screaming loud, notice the delicate scars of yesterday, but aim to leave them there.
promise.
to see rain as something that washes and absence as an avoidance of escape.

right behind me

It's odd that it still stings.
Maybe because what we knew & what we made is a mirror image of a ghost.
Something few believe in & when you didn't we lost sight of what we'd become.
Empty hallways & candles burnt
while wax seeps through my skin & burns.
Like the feeling of my everything being absolutely nothing.
Lost in a mansion of empty hollow rooms, the silhouette of we is lost.
Confusion and cobwebs cloud our judgement,
lost in a maze of reflection & deception tricking myself that I am safe.
I just don't understand how I am being strangled by a phantom.

Half full - always

The case lays at the edge of my porch. The painted red brick contrasts well with this black leather. I unlatched four fixtures and stared at uncertainty. The familiar shape & parts I can't identify overwhelm my heart.
Letters & ticket stubs hid underneath.
Photographs in the form of memories. Film that is pure and empty, but it's covered in places we fell. For knowledge, dreams, into fear and out of isolation.
Music produced tears. You were the soundtrack to nights under full moons.
I slam the cover to conceal these past grins.
I woke up nestled in my room: 4:13am.
Silence & not a single note to hear.
Vanished.
Much like reality.
Solidified.
Much needed slamming.

twenty true ideas before i am twenty

i will always be inclined to over-sized clothing and music that makes April seem like Christmas Eve.

i will often choose quality time with my hands interlaced around a cup of steaming chai.

i will always think that letters hand written from loved ones mean more than money.

i can't ever forget the day my best friend was born and i became an older sister.

i believe i can attest to the fact that love stings, or maybe that true love never will hurt you.

i can say my favorite memories include swaying to music and laughing too loud.

i am always going to appreciate twinkle lights and catchy phrases.

i will always have an unhealthy addiction to food, and i'm okay with that.

i will forever believe words hold more power than a pistol.

i wont ever dislike wearing black and i will always drive too fast.

i am fairly certain that till my last breath i will believe in miracles, like our friendship even through distance.

i will never stop writing. ever.

i will constantly thank the lord for my mom.

i will be inclined to quilts and pillows covering me in my bed till the day is slept away.

i trust in consistency and fluctuation frightens me.
 
i will often wish i hadn't moved.

i think summer time is a life style and i would rather life in an icy cold winter.

i will always find old coffee tables and painted wooden floors enchanting.

i will always love the spark in your eye as we laugh on your living room couch till midnight.

i will find happiness through things most don't and once again, laugh with a laugh that is too loud.

Seeing

Empty & hollow
Or full of promise.
Perspective.
Calm & collected
Or chaotic & unraveling.
Where do you stand?
To hold your tongue
Or reveal your heart.
Delicately walking, your
Soul's sliced by the
Words of glass.
Words holding potential
Strangle your neck.
You're now empty &
Hollow.
Or calm & collected.
Perspective.

i just really love rap music

Rap is so appealing to me.
I love the bass, but I love how daring it is.
It has the boldness to say what it believes.
As risque and inappropriate as some lines are,
They are relevant.
They are true. 
It does not answer to anyone for its core.
There is not fear behind its words.
Oh, to have the capability to say the things that we feel.
To hide behind fear, or even the melody is wrong.
Interrupt the chorus and speak authenticity .
Rap is so appealing to me.
I love the bass, but I love how daring it is.
It is not bound by preconceived notions nor
is it worried about sounding the same as Mumford & Sons.
It is its own identity.
Oh, to be brave and as shocking as rap music.