Even still

My thoughts drown in you.
Yours have forgotten me.
As I gasp for air & to lose you,
You've already thrown me out.
Sounds and smells and photos.
They take me under and I'm starving.
"remember me!"
As if shouting will bring you back.
As if begging will change the past.

We pretend we are fine.
Those four letters never really mean much.
I still cry sometimes.
Tears of anger, maybe.
Of hurt, yes.
But my soul still loves you.
Even when you forget me

tear stained hurt

How do you comfort someone who lost someone? How do you console someone who is about to say goodbye to their person? How do you be there for someone who can't even keep oatmeal down because literally every smell, sight & memory reminds them of the very soul that stole their heart.

I took a walk last night and wept. I wept out of fear, out of anger & out of pure confusion.
Words are empty & gifts are meaningless. Prayer is helpful, but hurt is still ever persistent.
I cried for my mom. Tears soaked H's sweatshirt & i just got so mad at God. My mom is losing her brother & I'm in a different time zone. My mom, my hero, the woman who has sacrificed her whole life for mine. My mom, her heart is breaking and I'm so far away. But what can I say to her? H's perfume is forced into my senses as I hold on to the physical reminder of one of my biggest blessings. H lost someone she loved recently. How do I fix it? How to I heal her hurt? I cant.
My tears won't stop.

Someone tell me how to be there for someone who just lost someone.
physically be there.
Hold them.
Listen to them.
Cry with them.
Clean their room.
Make them laugh.
Cuss with them at bad drivers.
Cry with them again.

You can't change these hurts in others lives.
but you can just be there.
Be all there.