What you see

You have sad eyes.

Eyes that have seen sights they shouldn't have. 

Eyes that have lied and asked for forgivness. 

Eyes that have begged others to ask if you're alone. 

You have sad eyes. 

Concealer comes from Sephora and 

in the shape of "I am so exhausted" 

You roll your sad eyes and pretend they're tired.

You have tired eyes. 

Eyes that have become too familiar with excuses. 

With watching your body believe lies.

Eyes you demand to stop 

When they're pouring.

You have tired eyes. 

Isolation & confusion 

will only nourish you for so long. 

Your eyes are tired. 

Your eyes are sad. 

You really are exhausted. 

So open your lonely eyes. 

You have loving eyes. 

"one day you will[believe it's okay]and one day it'll all be really, truly in the past. God's doing a new thing." 

"Find your sunshine...No matter what that is"

"I'm praying for you lots. I have already seen a new found confidence in you this semester that pretty much hella excites me, because I know God is working on your part"

You have loving eyes. 

Eyes  that though they have not seen what yours have, cry for you. 

Eyes that can't distinguish lies, but live for you. 

You have loving eyes. 

Open them and see. 

page 308

i bought a new book and it reminds me of
you
and you
and you

flashbacks and a relapse

the hurting
the loving
the breaking
the healing

chapters glued together
with
stories
i thought she wrote about me

all four showed me moments
memories
faces
and you

i found myself on the pavement
attempting to be whole
bending so i don't break:
nocturnal yoga

attempting to find which chapter i am in
i wonder when the breaking ends
when the healing
begins

moments and memories made
show me to flip between two:
healing and breaking
to live between chapters

because flashbacks & a relapse.
because paranoia & heartbreak.
no one has that power, not even
you

Things I wish someone would have told me

Find agencies or products that support causes you're passionate about & donate to them. 

Roll down your windows more. 

Dance in your car even when people are watching. 

There is a way to speak your mind without being rude, find that way. 

Listen to sad music when you're sad. 

Go outside more, just always carry a jacket, socks and bug spray. 

Be the driver that lets cars over when merging. 

Always get souvenirs. 

Read more poetry. 

Have a favorite song. 

Walk behind cars when crossing a crosswalk. 

Tell you Bestfriend you love them. 

Find something you're good at & do it often. 

Find something you're bad at & get better. 

Make time for coffee in the morning. 

Write more handwritten notes. 

Buy the stranger in line behind you coffee. 

Buy underwear when you're sad.

Send birthday cards to people even when it's not their birthday. 

Don't say you love him if you don't.

Thank professors more often. 

Pray out loud.

Always wear Chapstick. 

Keep a list of compliments you've received & retread them when you're dark. 

Avoid describing yourself as "busy" even when you're busy.

Crying is so good for you. 

Donate clothing you don't need. 

Check the air in your tires. 

Save your leftovers when you're in the city: give them to someone who didn't eat.

Laugh. 

Don't turn in work late. 

Call your grandparents weekly. 

Don't get pressured into falling in love. 

Make lists of what you're thankful for. 

Stop exaggerating. 

Look up statistics about issues you care about. 

Don't let people make you drink tea. 

Ask your waiter or barista how THEY are. 

Thank people for their honesty. 

Visit more cemeteries. 

Doodle more. 

Take more photos. 

Ask for help & call your mom more often. 

September 7th

We dance.

Around the topic of depression. The abuse of medicine and the times we hold the toilet as safety and in silence. 

We slip. 

Past the reason we even came together. Down the side of a mountain we hoped one day to have conquered: self-image. 

We deny. 

Ever feeling little, even though we are all desperate for anyone to tell us our worth. 

We hurry. 

Past compliments and around conversations that make us feel uncomfortable. Through the moments that could be memories. 

We cry. 

For others who are selflessly asking for help. Over the moments we never took for what they were worth. Alone, because isolation heals faster than speaking up. 

We break. 

Over and over again without even knowing because, in fact, isolation and silence are stronger than we will ever admit