Something To Be Proud Of

     I have an adorable "little sister" Kiley. We aren't technically related but we act like we are.  have know her, since the beginning of her life practically. I met her sister Kaitlyn,when i was really little and we were on and off friends since 7th grade. We reconnected in the 8th gradeand well,Now she is my bestfriend.

     I've known Kiley since before grade school. I have never really,honestly though of her as more than my-best-friends-little-sister. She always was our little project.We did her nails, her makeup,made her do dances with us, and stole her Barbie dolls and accessories.Typical big sister things to do, right? She has always been in my life but i didn't really think anythingspecial of her. 

     These feelings though have recently changed...I have come to love Kiley Meagan so much.She is such an amazing influence in my life.I dont think i could ever express how much i love her and respect her. 

     One day a while ago i had had a HORRIBLE day and just needed somebody to love on me till i felt better. Kaitlyn invited me over to hang out. Ki dropped everything once she saw me crying. we all went into the bathroom. Put on too much make up then went down to the park and took

too many pictures. That day i witnesses how loving Ki is. She dropped everything for me and showed me an amazing day. She is one of the best friends i have had in a long, long time. 

When we all went to camp this last summer was when i really saw how much we are alike and why i love 

her so much. 

We are both so competitive.(see above photo)

We are both loud.

We are both ones who dont hesitate to cry.

We both are scared of rejection.

We both don't see an easy way of doing anything.

We are both a little bit emotional.

We are both large fans of sleep. 

We are both IN LOVE with God. 

At camp i got to witness her and her friends. I got to see her be SUCH a good witness to the others. I got to see her cry during the sermons. I got to hear her story. Feel her pain. Touch her heart. I got to cheer so loud with her that we lost our voices. I got to cry with her. I got to get angry at the boys with her. But most importantly i was 

encouraged by her. 

After we got home from from Camp we had VBS and that time only brought us closer. I loved it. 

WELL. This year my little Kiley started HIGH SCHOOL. 

It was an amazing day when we found out we had a class together. We could be together in class!! what is better?? 

Just the few weeks of school so far that we've had have been great. 

I love knowing that she can talk to me about anything. 

I love our inside jokes.

I love her courage.

I love her endurance.

I straight up love her. 

As we entered the new year i just saw Ki grow so much. 

She knows what she is worth and she wont stop till she gets it. 

She is such an encouragement to me. 

She knows that boys are not everything. 

She knows that God is her number one. 

She knows that drama is not the most exciting thing.

She knows that if someone does not like HER for HER- then Peace out!

She knows that family comes first. 

She believes in happy endings.

She trusts in people who shouldn't be trusted.

She puts investment into everyone in her life. 

She knows when to tell people her thoughts. 

She knows that if it is important to me it is important to her. 

.

.

. SHE is something to be proud of. 

10% Frustration, 70% Love, 20% Hurt

Today was tough.
I had to make a few choices that i did not want to.
I was full of regret right after they happened.
This whole week really has been hard.
And it's only Monday.

I want to make my life as easy as possible.

I went into Junior Year thinking ,"This year will be a piece of cake. i have amazing friends, a solid relationship with Christ and good classes." What could go wrong?

Well, ladies and Gents...i have been to 6 full days of Junior Year and what happened on the SECOND day!? I cried.
Yep. Big, Bad, eleventh grader...Cried.
Fell to pieces.

What is wrong with me? Why do i crack under pressure so easily?
Well i dont have that answer for myself or you yet. I wish that i did. I wish i knew.

So far what i have come up with is the structure of a relationship.
Every person in my life is going to frustrate me. BUT because of how much i love them, they stay in my life. Its inevitable. I love hard. Sometimes too hard for my own good. Then Every once and a while that person is going to hurt me. A lot. BUT once again because of love: they are still here.

Its just the process in which all of this takes place that hurts the most.
I look at myself a lot and dont think that i can make it. I cant make it some days, hence all the crying. I crack under pressure and cant handle the hurt or frustration.

Today was tough.
The choices i made were hard.
I didnt like doing/making them.
Today was necessary.

I Want...

Today in Sign language we were journaling and she told us to write things down that we "wanted". This caused a little confusion for some of the kids in my class, but lets remember i am a Junior in a Freshman class. So i started thinking. Is there really a difference between want and need? Should there be a difference? Well i can up with this list:

 I want to be the best that i can be. 

 I want to want things.

I want  to be the best daughter that i can be.

I want to laugh EVERYDAY.

I want to be so passionate that others can see.

I want to be the best older sister. 

I want to be needed.

I want to have good days.

I want to trip,fall then get back up again.

I want to cry when i hurt.

I want to see when you're in pain.

I want Christ to be my number one.

I want to eat a lot.

I want to get through school with a smile.

I want to roll out of bed.

I want i want to be loved 

And I want to love.

What do you want? Do you just want to get through this week. Make it to the weekend. Keep your friends and boyfriend. Make him or her smile. What do you want? Other kids in my class read aloud and they wanted to become a fire fighter or a Doctor. Get straight A's or just to pass. 

I want simple things yes. But. 

with all of those things that i want i will get where i want to get. 

"Your future is what happens when you are living the present." 

Things Worth Fighting For

Today was the first day of 11th grade. All new classes, new teachers, new people and even some old people. I love school. for the social reasons yes,but also for the challenge. 
I like challenges. If i win the challenge it means that i have succeeded. 
If i dont win, it just means to get back up and start over again. Pick up the pieces and do it again. 
I feel that a lot of relationships in my life are like homework. Now before you stop reading, think about it this way. Homework will lead to knowledge, that knowledge you stored up will help you pass quizzes and tests, and in the end it will help you pass the class.
When you first meet a new potential friend or even boyfriend you have to do your homework. You have to figure out what they are like, what they do for fun, what makes them smile and what you could do to make them cry, or really what you shouldn't do to make them cry, right? 
Alright, now you are friends...You go to movies and you go to Togo's or Super T with them quite regularly.
All the sudden their opinion of your hair color matters. 
Before you put on an outfit you check to see if its up to their standards. 
What you say to other people in your life you even pass through this one person. 
Everything starts to revolve around them. Being it a group of best friends, a boy, or a best friend. EVERYTHING that matters to you, you WANT to matter to them. 
Now this can become a problem if the other person is not this idea that you had in your head. Maybe this person isn't what you thought, i mean who really cares about what color your hair is? Who really cares what outfit you are wearing. Frankly, if they DO care ONLY about what you look like we have a serious problem.
I need to be loved for more than just my outside. That is one of my biggest challenges. This love can be from whomever, but i need it to be more than just a love for my sense of style. 
If someone who is so important in my life does not care about my feelings. My love for God and what He wants me to do. My passion for being the best i can. My crazy love for my brother and sister. And my want to succeed. If they can not love that part of me, then please, do you see the point? 
Thats exactly right. There is no point. 
Some challenges are like a pot of water with holes in the bottom. no matter how hard you wish and hope that water does not come out, its inevitable. It will soon empty. 
The people in my life that will come to my house when i am crying, hurting, and just looking to be held. 
The people in my life who can see me before the day starts and tell me i look beautiful.
The people in my life who can worship with me at church. 
The people in my life who can tell me when to shut up, yet will listen to me ramble. 
The people in my life who actually care...
They are things worth fighting for.
With that being said, i challenge you to be a friend worth fighting for. 

Owners Manual

Well, here it is. I have never blogged before, but i thought i would try it. I mean, come on, we all know that i always have something to say. 
i realized something. Life is not handed to you in a pretty, red , shiny package with a owners manual. We are on our own. thats what i have always thought. I have to figure everything out for myself and get through high school and then college by myself. Well. lets just say i was wrong. 
    That is not the case AT ALL. I have been learning so much since camp about giving my life, and i mean WHOLE life, over to my savior and King. After all. He did give it to me in the first place, right? I need to learn to be more Dependant on Him. That is what he is there for. 
    Being Independent is great when you have to move out, buy an apartment and make your own dinner with out your mom. But i am just realizing that no. i can not do everything and puhlease i dont want to do everything. 
Today after just being totally humbled by God and realizing that i have to give it up to him and not worry about everything in life but instead i need to just let it go and give it all up to him, i heard the song Let It Roll by Superchic[k] ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCCR7mC0y6E ) and that again reassured me that God has everything under control and i just need to give it all to him. Ahh sometimes i just love when God works in the ways he does. He is so great. 
    Looking back at my life, yes there has been hard, frustrating circumstances but all in all i KNOW that God put me through every single one of those trials for a reason. The only thing i hope for is that this realization and love will stay with me everyday of Junior year. I need to remember why i am here. No its not to be a straight A student, to have a boy friend, to be a best friend, to be the best sister i can be, to be the funny, loud girl i am. But that it is about serving Him with all my heart. 
   So here is to JUNIOR year. Thank you God for actually giving me a Owners Manual and thank you for being my owner.