Thursday, February 16, 2012

Eye of it

i don't know how to describe how i feel. And i dont like that. Normally i can just begin to write and slowly, like water dripping from the gutter after the storm has cleared, my hurts, wants and thoughts pour out onto the page.
Tonight it is different.
I have been sitting here just staring at the keys.
Then i noticed something.
I don't have a Q key on my lap top.
It broke off in a cleaning incident a while ago and i never replaced it; thankfully my computer is still working perfectly without the key.
From the outside looking on, the board is not complete. It's covered in hair spray, there is dust in between each set of keys and its missing a consonant. my poor little lap top isn't a mac, it isn't new and it isn't in perfect condition.
I realized, im a lot like my computer.
I have, for lack of a better word, crap in my life. I have hurt and i have lost parts of myself to others. But i still work.
God didn't plan for me to be perfect, he didn't plan for me to sail through life. He has put trials in my life that while in them i honestly do not think i can make it. But every time, i am fine.
every.
time.
I don't know how to describe how i feel, but what i do know is that right now im in the middle of the hurt and the trial, but there is a brighter tomorrow.
a better chapter.

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