4:36 PM - i should have been packing.

all it takes is one memory.
im gone.
i flashback and dive into the past.
its easier there.
it feels save.
how do you define it.
how do you wrap up something that you are not even sure of.
how do you ignore something that consumes you.
you cant.
i dont.
hearing a word from your sentence.
anything is a trigger and soon a civil war breaks out.
two sides of me fight.
they fight for reality and beg for comfort.
lists develop.
pros and cons.
i give up.
its too scary to live in today yet hurts too much to go back.
but does it hurt.
or is it just something im not used to.
the latter.
i hear the sounds that lead to blank looks.
how do you title a song you dont remember.
how do you sing along to a melody you are just hearing.
you cant.
i will.
its the lump in your throat.
the thoughts you speak at 11:11 with your eyes shut so tight.
its the thoughts you dont even write in your journal.
how do you paint from memory without knowing.
how do you dance the steps you dont know.
how do you leave when you dont want to go.