As the mask was secured around my head my breathing began to come back. As the plane glided across the clear blue skies above Nevada the captain came over the loudspeaker. The plane was soon landing. The arrival was just like my seizure, unexpected.
A team of paramedics awaited in the airlock & I stumbled off the plane. As I watched fluorescent lights pass over me as we rushed through the Southwest wing of the Las Vegas airport I lost the ability to breathe at a normal rate: hyperventilation consumed me. As I was locked into the back of an ambulance the man assigned to me asked me to say my ABC's backward, this was to get my breathing back to a steady pace. I had other plans as I asked him to marry me. My mind was clearly not functioning properly.
I wish I could say I remember the yellow oxygen mask, seeing my mom cry or even asking someone to spend all of their days with me, however I do not. That's all hearsay, repeated to me from my mom and nurses shortly after I arrived in the ER.
I can remember that. The curtains were striped. A transparent blue, almost the same color of a Dasani water bottle, and a vibrant pink. Identical to bubblegum. There was a SpongeBob marathon on & my room had a tv. I remember it took 11 tries to get my IV in. I had lost all my liquid while still seated in 23B and had not replenished yet.
I remember my mom calling the airline and scheduling a new flight home to SJ. I remember the first words she said to me, "baby doll- are you okay? I thought I lost you" verbatim.
I was so hungry.
I remember being discharged and not wanting to get back on a plane, I begged for sleep aid & the pleading worked.
I remember a sweet nurse giving me saltines and a Sprite. I had to throw the Sprite out before Security and I cried.
I remember going through the airport in a wheel chair because I was so weak i couldn't walk & I remember climbing underneath a row of chairs in our gate to hide from the blinding white lights.
4 hours.
A 2 hour plane right & then home.
I hate flying, and I think the anecdote above explains why. More so, I hate being vulnerable. Releasing control is a difficult task for me, in any area of life.
As this semester begins I know I'm going to be drowning. I knew this when i submitted my transcripts this summer to go back to LBC.
Sometimes you have to be pushed around, get lost, and then pull yourself up & realize it will all be okay.
I believe in the power of laughter & the power of words. They both easily captivate me.
I want to laugh more this year, no matter how many assignments are due or books needs to be read. I want to never be too stressed to speak truth. I want to keep writing. I want to be faithful to be thankful.
I don't remember when God intervened and the man in 23D was a doctor. I don't remember the paramedic who talked me down from that personal mountain. I don't remember my moms fear or pain.
But I can clearly see He had a plan.
I land in PA at 6 Eastern time and start school on Monday.
Here's to not seeing the plan but being willing to see the good in it, no matter how badly you just want to cry.
Laugh a lot.
Write more.
Love louder.
Pray often.
Seek wisdom.
2 0 1 5 // second semester.
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