Cheers

Last year when I turned 20 i cried.

"Half way to 40" a dear friend of mine told me a few days prior. 

I cried because I am terrified of growing up. Independence is all I have ever craved yet I am so scared of adulthood. 

Since that dreary day last February I have grown up more than those tears could have ever known. And honestly, I wouldn't like to go back even though it has been a stretching year. Thats the polite way I saying it's been real freaking difficult. 

People have a funny way or making or breaking our lives. And we have a funny way of allowing them. 

Disappointments. 

Surprises. 

Let downs. 

Hand written notes. 

& silence. 

I think the people we surround ourselves with have too much control over our hearts. Or not enough. 

All I want is to be able to look back, on the last 365 days, next year & say that I am confident I did all I could to love where I am at. To embrace heartache, to learn from disappointment, to laugh at the small things & pray no matter what. 

I sat in stats tutoring a few weeks ago frustrated & angry. Profanities colored the air as I contemplated dropping out. My tutor told me something that stuck, 

"The only thing you have control over is your attitude & work ethic" 

So the next year I want to keep both positive. Not only that, but remind myself to think positively. To be up for the challenges. 

Perspective, humility & a grain of salt for my 21rst