Under the dirt

My school planted tulips recently in a central location of campus. For a while the bulbs remained deep in the soil. From the surface we saw nothing, but nevertheless they were there, under the dirt.
Quickly the flowers started to break the surface. The bright colors stood out due to the contrast of the mulch that surrounded the flowers roots.
Soon everyone started noticing the buds & quickly the pastel peddles captivated the student body.
I sat at a table in the library facing the window. Quick glances provided an escape from finances and summer school. The flowers wouldn't normally capture my eye but their demand for my peers attention sparked my interest.
One after one I watched boys & girls stop, pull out their phones and try to capture the "beauty". Zooming in getting a personal shot, editing it & soon my Instagram feed was full of this perennial.
I'm not saying that these flowers are not beautiful, but what is ugly is the fact that sometimes beauty is overlooked.
Someone asked me what my definition of beauty was. I paused and thought hard. For some reason when I think beauty I see the bride of Christ. I see the holy and perfect church we as believers will assemble in heaven. And that's easy, defining beauty as that, but then I thought harder.
My definition of beauty is that which is not defined as beauty. Because Christ saw me, more like a weed than a Tulip. He stopped & He decided I was beautiful.
Sometimes our lives are much like the winter. The trees are just branches, the streets are consumed with slush and steam. The flowers are all gone & the scenery isn't "beautiful". But does that mean nothing is beautiful or does that mean we don't see it.
Maybe what's beautiful is really what is ugly. Or maybe we are ugly for insisting that beauty be appealing.

To remember

You are laying out on your striped towel.
Red vines, soda, chips and music all have been a rather big part of your day.
Your sunglasses will leave the protected skin whiter than the rest of your face, but its okay.
As you basque in the sun you soak up the warm and personal rays.
The sun sets and you pack your things.
Sand and smoke follow you home & the day is over.
The next morning you’re awaken by a burning sensation.
You walk to the mirror & your skin is red and irritated.
You never wanted to hurt like this, but in the moment those personal rays that gave you attention felt so good.
Weeks of sunscreen and aloe are necessary to fix this pain.
You never knew it could hurt this bad, but that’s the thing.
You don’t see the sun as a bad thing but without putting up protection over your body and heart- you will burn alive.
Don’t let others burn you up, stand up for yourself and when you don’t REMEMBER the sunburn & the pain.

To See Right Through

I thought I saw you last month.
My heart skipped a beat and my feet froze. I tried to move but my legs were locked.
When I realized that it wasn't you I knew I was supposed to feel relief. I knew i was to continue on with my day and forget about it.
That's what I was supposed to do.
Memories.
Flashbacks.
Demand authority over your thoughts, for they can rule your life.
In reality I was sitting in class. My professor was pacing back and forth,frustrated she didn't have her student's attention. In reality I was sinking in my seat, zoning out anything my flustered instructor was saying. In reality I was upset with reality.
I slowly submerged my thoughts in powerful scenes. The pieces of day where you slowly stole my heart.
I focused on the chair ahead of me and I was gone.
I saw snapshots and blurry photographs.
These memories are bittersweet.
They sting yet it's a hurt I can cope with.
It's worth it, and for me not much is.
Someone thought they saw you yesterday.
I saw you but looked right through you.
I saw the biggest difference.
The difference between strong enough and sly enough.
I didn't see you.

Your mountains will always be my molehills

sway

Breakdowns.
They're healthy sometimes. When life gets to the point where you just can't handle it anymore, it's good to take a step back.
Breakdowns.
i had one the other day.
Paperwork, distance, charades, nerves- well the lack of them, personalities.
i just was fed up.
i found myself sitting alone in the dark outside. The cement was cold, but not uncomfortable.
i tried to find the Big Dipper, but then realized the cloud coverage was too thick.
i was just looking for something that i can always see.
Familiarity. 
As my eyes searched for something else to focus on i saw thick branches.
They were moving drastically in the wind.
My eyes followed the foliage and i saw where it started.
The branch, connected to the trunk, drew my eyes to the soil.
Under the mulch are roots.
Even in the wind, the rain and the lightning the roots are unharmed.
The branches may be bent and twirled in the wind.
The leafs may fall, the snow may overwhelm the bare branches and birds invade with nests, but still the roots are unharmed.
 it started to rain as i was sitting, looking up.
i started to smile.
God has a sense of humor.
i am that tree.
They are the wind, the snow and the nests.
He is the roots. He is the only thing keeping my grounded.
He.
He is.

Honest Truth

I think I dislike the rain because it washes away.
if I am honest with myself, the dirt is easier to get used to & more realistically easier to hide behind.
I think it's safe to say we are all creatures of habit. We have grown accustom to things a certain way. When that changes it's uncomfortable and you're forced to be venerable.
I hate that: being venerable.
As puddles accumulate they are a blatant sign of how inconsistent your foundation is.
It's surprising & frustrating, that moment your foot slips into the cold. It's unexpected & inconvenient.
That's why I don't like the rain.
Because it highlights the hidden obvious.
Sometimes I wish I was blind to these truths.
In that wishing, though, I hurt myself.
Even though sunny days are beautiful. The sun on your desperate skin, your body craving the warmth. Summer means dreadlocks and flip flops. Coaching & long drives: it all looks good, but is it realistic?
As it rains it's hard to see and in the pit of your stomach you know things won't be the same once the storm has passed.
Change.
I guess sometimes rain is needed.

Becoming not

before you tattoo that verse on your arm- do you really believe it.
you can do all things through Him- do you really believe it.
tell me the significance.
before you center your NOTW sticker on the back of you mazda- stop.
do you really?
do you really cling to Him no matter what?
do you really think that you can surrender all of you life--i said all, that means everything, to Him?
for some, i pray that they will never experience heart break.
i think i agree, most of the time, with ignorance is bliss.
mostly because i have seen hurt and the results.
i have seen it cause people to cling to the Cross.
i have also seen it cause people to turn their backs and raise their middle fingers to the Church.
before you discredit me, listen: think of the ones you love the most, in a tragedy where will they go?
how long will they last?
where will they find their strength?
my heart is torn in two when it comes to this because i don't want to condone complacency.
that.
that mindset is what is currepting the church from the inside out.
students content with passing Old Testament yet not retaining anything.
kids saying all their verses at vbs just to win.
what is the church doing to prepare for tragety.
and when i say tragety i mean the real world.
where is the truth.
we know where it is, so why are we not proclaiming it.
live and believe what you ink.
broadcast the only thing that can completely comfort.
He gave His life for you, so will you live yours for Him?