The Fight

 Best friend is one who accepts the good as well bad qualities of his or her friend and also takes an initiative in correcting and mending them. - Anonymous

I don't know if you have a best friend. But i do. Someone who is always there for you no matter what. Through the ups and the downs they are always there. Someone who makes you smile when you want to cry and someone who knows just by "the look" that you need a hug. That someone in my life is Krista. 

Freshman Year

 We met freshman year and have been stuck since then. Never once did i think that i would have a friend like her. We had a class together as Freshies and that's where it all started. I was so happy that she was my friend and sooner or later we became best friends. We talk the same, think the same and shared the same clothes. 

Never would i have ever thought that that girl would still be in my life today. 

Sophomore Year

The next year we were just as close, if not closer. That year is when i realized how much i love krista. That year also contained the most fights we had ever fought. But with every fight our relationship got stronger. "Obstacles are put in your way to see who is worth climbing over for" -unknown. 

This quote really defines our friendship. We have had so many fights i can't even count. But, our laughs, smiles and memories cover our fights by a mile. I wish i could be as good as a friend to her as she is to me. I wish that she knew how much she means to me. i wish. i wish. i wish. 

Junior Year

Then this year came. we drifted apart and it tore my heart out. We also have had our fights this year, but would we be Em&&Kris without them? This year has taught me a lot about myself and my relationships. 

But most importantly i learned about having good friends. 

I am busy a lot. I have a lot on my plate. But what makes a good friend. no. A best friend is that regardless of our schedules we still love each other. 

So here is to...

all the laughs

She Thinks My Tractors Sexy

"Suffrage, the right to vote!"

White Cheddar Cheese-its

Late night talks

all the tears

Super T

Togo's 

Passing notes in Moore's

Schleeters!! 

The cabin

Sitting on your counter

Girl nights 

Our fights

Making fun of people 

And the times to come. 

Krista- you are a fight im willing to fight. 

When?

Lately I have been losing sleep. i have made one too many Pro and Cons lists. i have written letter after letter trying to explain myself. I dont know what to do or where to turn. i know what i want. but then when i wake up i feel like i have made the wrong choice. Every day it's different. How do you know that you have made the right choice? How do you know it is all "going to be okay" why cant the people that you want, want you back? how long is it going to be until i get my answers? how long. how long. 

Look Again

Today my friend asked me a question. 
"Em, if there was one thing you could change about yourself, what would it be?"
 I thought really hard about it but then told myself to stop. I am content with who i am so why focus on the negative? Well that mindset worked for about 10 min. 
Later i found myself in front of my full length mirror. I was just looking. Looking and pondering. 
What would i change? 
Would it be my eyes? 
What about making my hair more straight? 
I would love it if i was tanner. 
I also don't like my thunder thighs. 
How about my freckles. Nasty. 
What about the huge gap in my two front teeth? 
I could gain a few inches && 
i would love it if my stomach was flatter. 
so quickly i can find things wrong with me. But think about it, is that healthy? NO! it is so unhealthy and wrong. 
Shoot, i love my hazel eyes. 
i love that i can rock the afro. 
i love the fact I've never had a sun burn. 
i like having some meat on my bones. It makes my pants fit better. 
My freckles make me who i am.
Same with my gap.
I am who i am. I wouldn't change a thing about myself and i encourage you to think about this. When you look at something with a negative mindset you will only get negative results. But if you look again, you never know what might happen. 

And For You... I'm Thankful

Someone in my life has always had an impact on me. 

 Ever since we were little I've been so close with this kid. No matter what is going on in my life i know that i can come to him. Be it just stressed out about school, mad at a friend or confused about a boy- He is always there for me.

His laugh can make me laugh instantly. Watching him do stupid stunts always makes me smile. Seeing him grow up from a little punk to a Jesus loving punk makes me proud. It makes me so happy to see us both growing up right beside each other.

 Even though these blogs are supposed to be written because i "get inspired" or something amazing happens in my life, i wrote one about him. I mean hey! he asked for it. But i thought about it and he does inspire me. Him in my life is an amazing thing. I could have never asked God for a better friend. I hope that he knows all of this. Even though i make fun of him, tease him, tell him how not buff he is, ignore him from time to time, and put cake in his face(only after he starts it)- He still is so important to me. And i hope he knows that.

It's been one of my favorite relationships.

There has been a lot of arguments

 but the laughs we've shared can 

cover those disagreements by a mile. 

i want you to realize

This blog is about something, or really someone, who has been on my heart a lot lately.
My older sister.

Have you ever had someone in your life who constantly is just amazing? 

Someone who is in love with Jesus and it is so evident?

Someone who has been through EVERYTHING , so they have all the answers?

Someone who even if they haven't been through it, they have the answers?

Someone who even though you don't talk to them for a month-once you do nothing has changed?

Someone who continually makes you smile?

Someone who can sit and cry with you?

Someone when somebody tells you, "don't tell anybody", you tell them?

Someone who is bold enough to tell you to get your act together, but 

Someone who can hug and love you like no one else?

WELL, that is my older sister for you.
I dont think that she knows how much i love her. I tell her yes, as often as i can, but still i dont think she knows. I dont think that she realizes that here in Hollister every morning when im getting ready i think of her. Every time i look in the mirror i see a letter that she wrote me Freshman year. It makes me thank God EVERY day for her.

She is So strong in her faith and not just that.

She is strong in...

Loving people in her life

Giving up her life for Christ

Being a good example

Making sure she laughs every day

Seeing the bright side of situations

&& in being here for me. 

These days we both are busy. We both have a lot on our plates but when i get to talk to her, be in a few texts or a 2 hour phone call- i love every second of it.
I just want to let you know, Aubrey that i love you. Today, tomorrow and FOREVER.

Come Home Soon.

She Is Trying...

She is trying
Sometimes she doesn't always get what she wants
But she gets what she needs
She is trying
Keeping peace is her number one goal
She is trying
To be all that's expected
To be that girl
She is trying
Laughing drys up her tears
but more laughs are heard than tears are seen
She is trying
Trying to maintain
Maintain all the steps to retrace her happiness
She is trying
But that might take too long
She is trying
Trying to get your attention
Screaming so loud but all that is heard is a whisper
She is trying
But quickly slipping.
Falling down this hill she's been climbing for so long.
She is trying
To get your love, wanted to badly.
Please just stand by me, cause i m trying.

The Weather

The weather normally, i have found, reflects my mood. 
Today did especially. It was hot. Miserable. My legs stuck to the seats of all 3 classes i had today. I lost my sunglasses and so i squinted all day. At break there was only a little bit of shade on the quad so we all were sweating. Second block was stuffy; it felt like New Orleans. Gross. Then lunch was twice as hot. And then in third block as i walked in it felt cool and refreshing. I was wrong. the fan died 4 min. into class. 
Some days just are not the best. Some people are disappointing. But the thing that is frustrating to me is that you would never have thought a day in October would treat you like this. Same goes for some people in life. You never even imagine that someone who claims to love you and be there for you 24/7 will be so quick to burn you. 
This October is lacking in wind. It's lacking in the sweet smell of rain on the pavement. It's lacking in excitement. It's lacking in love. Sometimes maybe just like this October, my life will be lacking. 

Here

You are my shinning star

always there to show me truth.

My best friend i'm sure you are

from Tutus to prom dresses. 

You are my life boat 

bring me back to the start. 

We laugh, we cry, we fight, we

yell. I love you girl with all my heart.

You are not always free

but as we grow same for me. 

But all i know is that no matter

where we are, that you are here. 

You are my private laughing box.

Tears often fall from my cheek 

You're always there to pick them up.

And one day when we both look back

We'll see the rows of hats and 

all the cheers. 

I'll look beside me. We made it. 

and You are Here. 

This is dedicated to my dear friend Kaitlyn Brooke Fontaine.
I love you girl and dont know what i would do with out you.

Not Far From The Tree

My mother is the most gracious, kind, funny, sarcastic, loving && amazing person i know. 
I love her to death. In fact i would give my life for her. 
Her and I have not always got along. We actually used to hit heads more than not. I was home schooled for most of grade school. It was so hard for me. It was hard because i had to have her as a teacher and as a mom. Honestly that line was very fuzzy. But once i went to private school our relationship changed. 
I started to realize that its okay to talk to her about my life. It really is. She is not going to be shocked i like a boy, or that i dont like a girl. She has been through it all. Once i realized this i really came to love my momma in a different light. Im noticing that she is one of a kind. 

She has started to become the kind of mom that when i have a bad day- she knows. But not only does she know, she asks. You see there is a huge difference between these two. Noticing and Asking. 

And an important part of asking is knowing. I tell my mom EVERYTHING. 

So do my friends. She is just so easy to talk to and can listen to all my drama and still somehow love me. She has loved me and cared for me even after stupid decisions that I've made and she has supported me and been proud of me when i make the right choices. 

She is really one of a kind. 

. 

My mom also knows the best way to say things. "Emily, now do  you think that was very nice of you to say?" instead of "Wow, well that was a dumb choice of words!" She is always just so sweet and genuine. She also loves so hard. No matter what is going on she is there for me. Even if you just got in a fight,( because yes we are a normal mother-daughter couple. come on, even the Gilmore Girls have fights) if i am having an issue with a boy or a friend she is always there to say what she thinks. 

When i was little everyone used to tell me that i "look just like your mom!!" And i hated that! i hated not just being Emily. I also got a lot of ,"Oh, Mitch's sister?" or " Oh no way, Betsy's older sister" (This at first bothered me but then it just showed me i need to get out more!) I used to hate being my moms daughter, or at least being known as her. But recently i realized that there is noting wrong with being noticed as her daughter. 

In fact id be glad to introduce myself as her kid. 

I hope that one day i can be a mom just like her. I want to be just like her "when i grow up" 

So here is to you Momma, i love you. 

Something To Be Proud Of

     I have an adorable "little sister" Kiley. We aren't technically related but we act like we are.  have know her, since the beginning of her life practically. I met her sister Kaitlyn,when i was really little and we were on and off friends since 7th grade. We reconnected in the 8th gradeand well,Now she is my bestfriend.

     I've known Kiley since before grade school. I have never really,honestly though of her as more than my-best-friends-little-sister. She always was our little project.We did her nails, her makeup,made her do dances with us, and stole her Barbie dolls and accessories.Typical big sister things to do, right? She has always been in my life but i didn't really think anythingspecial of her. 

     These feelings though have recently changed...I have come to love Kiley Meagan so much.She is such an amazing influence in my life.I dont think i could ever express how much i love her and respect her. 

     One day a while ago i had had a HORRIBLE day and just needed somebody to love on me till i felt better. Kaitlyn invited me over to hang out. Ki dropped everything once she saw me crying. we all went into the bathroom. Put on too much make up then went down to the park and took

too many pictures. That day i witnesses how loving Ki is. She dropped everything for me and showed me an amazing day. She is one of the best friends i have had in a long, long time. 

When we all went to camp this last summer was when i really saw how much we are alike and why i love 

her so much. 

We are both so competitive.(see above photo)

We are both loud.

We are both ones who dont hesitate to cry.

We both are scared of rejection.

We both don't see an easy way of doing anything.

We are both a little bit emotional.

We are both large fans of sleep. 

We are both IN LOVE with God. 

At camp i got to witness her and her friends. I got to see her be SUCH a good witness to the others. I got to see her cry during the sermons. I got to hear her story. Feel her pain. Touch her heart. I got to cheer so loud with her that we lost our voices. I got to cry with her. I got to get angry at the boys with her. But most importantly i was 

encouraged by her. 

After we got home from from Camp we had VBS and that time only brought us closer. I loved it. 

WELL. This year my little Kiley started HIGH SCHOOL. 

It was an amazing day when we found out we had a class together. We could be together in class!! what is better?? 

Just the few weeks of school so far that we've had have been great. 

I love knowing that she can talk to me about anything. 

I love our inside jokes.

I love her courage.

I love her endurance.

I straight up love her. 

As we entered the new year i just saw Ki grow so much. 

She knows what she is worth and she wont stop till she gets it. 

She is such an encouragement to me. 

She knows that boys are not everything. 

She knows that God is her number one. 

She knows that drama is not the most exciting thing.

She knows that if someone does not like HER for HER- then Peace out!

She knows that family comes first. 

She believes in happy endings.

She trusts in people who shouldn't be trusted.

She puts investment into everyone in her life. 

She knows when to tell people her thoughts. 

She knows that if it is important to me it is important to her. 

.

.

. SHE is something to be proud of. 

10% Frustration, 70% Love, 20% Hurt

Today was tough.
I had to make a few choices that i did not want to.
I was full of regret right after they happened.
This whole week really has been hard.
And it's only Monday.

I want to make my life as easy as possible.

I went into Junior Year thinking ,"This year will be a piece of cake. i have amazing friends, a solid relationship with Christ and good classes." What could go wrong?

Well, ladies and Gents...i have been to 6 full days of Junior Year and what happened on the SECOND day!? I cried.
Yep. Big, Bad, eleventh grader...Cried.
Fell to pieces.

What is wrong with me? Why do i crack under pressure so easily?
Well i dont have that answer for myself or you yet. I wish that i did. I wish i knew.

So far what i have come up with is the structure of a relationship.
Every person in my life is going to frustrate me. BUT because of how much i love them, they stay in my life. Its inevitable. I love hard. Sometimes too hard for my own good. Then Every once and a while that person is going to hurt me. A lot. BUT once again because of love: they are still here.

Its just the process in which all of this takes place that hurts the most.
I look at myself a lot and dont think that i can make it. I cant make it some days, hence all the crying. I crack under pressure and cant handle the hurt or frustration.

Today was tough.
The choices i made were hard.
I didnt like doing/making them.
Today was necessary.

I Want...

Today in Sign language we were journaling and she told us to write things down that we "wanted". This caused a little confusion for some of the kids in my class, but lets remember i am a Junior in a Freshman class. So i started thinking. Is there really a difference between want and need? Should there be a difference? Well i can up with this list:

 I want to be the best that i can be. 

 I want to want things.

I want  to be the best daughter that i can be.

I want to laugh EVERYDAY.

I want to be so passionate that others can see.

I want to be the best older sister. 

I want to be needed.

I want to have good days.

I want to trip,fall then get back up again.

I want to cry when i hurt.

I want to see when you're in pain.

I want Christ to be my number one.

I want to eat a lot.

I want to get through school with a smile.

I want to roll out of bed.

I want i want to be loved 

And I want to love.

What do you want? Do you just want to get through this week. Make it to the weekend. Keep your friends and boyfriend. Make him or her smile. What do you want? Other kids in my class read aloud and they wanted to become a fire fighter or a Doctor. Get straight A's or just to pass. 

I want simple things yes. But. 

with all of those things that i want i will get where i want to get. 

"Your future is what happens when you are living the present." 

Things Worth Fighting For

Today was the first day of 11th grade. All new classes, new teachers, new people and even some old people. I love school. for the social reasons yes,but also for the challenge. 
I like challenges. If i win the challenge it means that i have succeeded. 
If i dont win, it just means to get back up and start over again. Pick up the pieces and do it again. 
I feel that a lot of relationships in my life are like homework. Now before you stop reading, think about it this way. Homework will lead to knowledge, that knowledge you stored up will help you pass quizzes and tests, and in the end it will help you pass the class.
When you first meet a new potential friend or even boyfriend you have to do your homework. You have to figure out what they are like, what they do for fun, what makes them smile and what you could do to make them cry, or really what you shouldn't do to make them cry, right? 
Alright, now you are friends...You go to movies and you go to Togo's or Super T with them quite regularly.
All the sudden their opinion of your hair color matters. 
Before you put on an outfit you check to see if its up to their standards. 
What you say to other people in your life you even pass through this one person. 
Everything starts to revolve around them. Being it a group of best friends, a boy, or a best friend. EVERYTHING that matters to you, you WANT to matter to them. 
Now this can become a problem if the other person is not this idea that you had in your head. Maybe this person isn't what you thought, i mean who really cares about what color your hair is? Who really cares what outfit you are wearing. Frankly, if they DO care ONLY about what you look like we have a serious problem.
I need to be loved for more than just my outside. That is one of my biggest challenges. This love can be from whomever, but i need it to be more than just a love for my sense of style. 
If someone who is so important in my life does not care about my feelings. My love for God and what He wants me to do. My passion for being the best i can. My crazy love for my brother and sister. And my want to succeed. If they can not love that part of me, then please, do you see the point? 
Thats exactly right. There is no point. 
Some challenges are like a pot of water with holes in the bottom. no matter how hard you wish and hope that water does not come out, its inevitable. It will soon empty. 
The people in my life that will come to my house when i am crying, hurting, and just looking to be held. 
The people in my life who can see me before the day starts and tell me i look beautiful.
The people in my life who can worship with me at church. 
The people in my life who can tell me when to shut up, yet will listen to me ramble. 
The people in my life who actually care...
They are things worth fighting for.
With that being said, i challenge you to be a friend worth fighting for. 

Owners Manual

Well, here it is. I have never blogged before, but i thought i would try it. I mean, come on, we all know that i always have something to say. 
i realized something. Life is not handed to you in a pretty, red , shiny package with a owners manual. We are on our own. thats what i have always thought. I have to figure everything out for myself and get through high school and then college by myself. Well. lets just say i was wrong. 
    That is not the case AT ALL. I have been learning so much since camp about giving my life, and i mean WHOLE life, over to my savior and King. After all. He did give it to me in the first place, right? I need to learn to be more Dependant on Him. That is what he is there for. 
    Being Independent is great when you have to move out, buy an apartment and make your own dinner with out your mom. But i am just realizing that no. i can not do everything and puhlease i dont want to do everything. 
Today after just being totally humbled by God and realizing that i have to give it up to him and not worry about everything in life but instead i need to just let it go and give it all up to him, i heard the song Let It Roll by Superchic[k] ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCCR7mC0y6E ) and that again reassured me that God has everything under control and i just need to give it all to him. Ahh sometimes i just love when God works in the ways he does. He is so great. 
    Looking back at my life, yes there has been hard, frustrating circumstances but all in all i KNOW that God put me through every single one of those trials for a reason. The only thing i hope for is that this realization and love will stay with me everyday of Junior year. I need to remember why i am here. No its not to be a straight A student, to have a boy friend, to be a best friend, to be the best sister i can be, to be the funny, loud girl i am. But that it is about serving Him with all my heart. 
   So here is to JUNIOR year. Thank you God for actually giving me a Owners Manual and thank you for being my owner.