i lost my 9 year old cousin, Max, this may.
I never really knew or realized how much i could hurt.
not until that day.
It was a text from my older cousin Shanley that made my heart stop.
It was in Us history when my phone vibrated and i opened the text with all my hope and passion praying for this to be a positive text.
It was not.
When i read the words through a wall of tears i could not even think straight.
How could this happen to me.
Why would God do this to me?
He was only 9.
9 years old!
Why does cancer exist and why did it take Max away from me?
After i found out, my walls went up.
Yeah i cried but i just didn't want to talk to anyone about it.
What was there to say?
I just was tired of hurting and losing Max was just another thing that hurts.
Why focus on it?
So it have been about four months.
For four months every time i started thinking about him, i shut it out.
Well last night it hit me.
I have a picture of Max in my closet hidden behind a shoe box and last night i needed the box.
As i slid the container off the shelf Max's frame dropped into my hands.
Along with all my tears.
I didn't know what to do.
It just hurt.
Typically i text my best friend.
She told me that really, i should be jealous of Max.
Max is in heaven with Jesus.
Singing with the angels and worshiping my God.
So today marks me letting go.
Me being happy for my little trooper.
i lost my 9 year old cousin, Max, this May.
i gained a different view on happiness this August.
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