Down Came the Rain and Washed The Spider Out

Rain.

I have never really liked it, but at the same time i am so thankful for it. 

Im thankful for the old hurt that it washes away. im thankful for the new things that it waters. 

Im thankful that i can see more clearly after the storm passes. 

But i am thankful also for the storm. Because in the storm is when we see who we really are. We see what we cling to and we see what makes up hurt. When the storm clears new things are brought to the surface. 

Whether those things are new or just cleaned up old things, i am learning to appreciate them. 

I dont think that i will cry next time it rains, but i think that i will just hold on tight and wait for the rainbow. 

Being Human

I should be doing homework.
I should be cleaning my room.
My phone is ringing and my mom is calling.
But i'd rather be writing.
I don't know what it is about this but i just feel like my feelings mean more when written. I feel like after i say them i can't take them back, so if i say it: i mean it.
Well, today marked something pretty important to me.
To be completely honest i did not think that i would make it to today.
But look, Heyy here i am.
I looked today straight in the eyes and said, " the past is not today, and he is not him. "
Today marks one month of dating someone.
And no i don't want to be that sappy girl who is all emotional about her relationship. I don't go updating my Facebook status:
"Oh my gosh, best boyfriend ever" Ect.
But what i will say is that i feel safe. I feel like God lines up everything so well. Yes, i have been hurt in the past...but isn't that part of this whole gig.
Earth was never sanctioned to be a perfect place;Heart break is inevitable in a fallen world.
But what can be done is that you can find people who bring you up, not tear you down.
Coincidentally i found my best friend.
Yeah, i didn't grow up with him, and we dont have a ton of history- but regardless it is natural.
Laughing.
It's something i do a lot with him. It is just easy being with him.
And i know for a fact that he is a gift from God. He is here to make this season more bearable.
I do not know what the future holds,
but right now, in this moment:

I am happy.

What do you live by?

do you ever wonder into tomorrow?
slip out of this time and into the next.
hang up your "you" of this date and
venture into a blank canvas.
do we understand, you can't bend fate?
and with that thought i still press on.
do you think that what brings out your smile now
tomorrow will rush it too?
my tears that fall hit presents floor and
are quickly swept into the past
as tomorrow changes through the sun.
as the 12 is passed by the hand
every wish we have for tomorrow
all is deep inset and dreams or plans
will slowly fade.
we will never know what our next act holds.
what we wish for may not stay the same.
if we always push our lust into the dusk
never will we seize the day.
so take a step back and watch the show.
today is here but not tomorrow.
ill put "me" on for this scene
happiness is my theory;what defines me.

We Blink Away Our Present In Exchange For our Tomorrow

Today i had a really long talk with someone i love more than this blog has space for.
We decided to list things that we are thankful for...
The list went from Quinn, to boys, to sparkles to sushi. Our thoughts were everywhere but intentions were pure.
What i loved about our list is that it was so long.
There is so much to be thankful for.
As senior year is now half over, College is on the horizon and along with that comes goodbyes.
Goodbyes to home towns, favorite meeting places,bubble baths and late night swims.
It is scary, but with these goodbyes come hellos,
New people, new places, new life.
I am just so blessed to have someone in my life who always uplifts me.
We refuse to sit at home and complain about the future; we demand to live out this year in joy.
I dare you.
I dare  you to make that list.
Talk about what you love and what makes you happy because in an instant it can either all change or be taken away.

Truth,love,friends&faith

" I am not a word; i am not a line. 

I am not a girl that could ever be defined. "

Nicki Minaj

Life has been a little crazy right now.

But crazy good.

Senior year has been amazing.

I lost some friends, but with those losses- i gained and grew closer to the most amazing friends i could have ever asked for.
I have learned a lot about being hurt.
Where to turn and who to run to.

I have learned who will listen and who will repeat.
Who will lie to my face, who will tell the truth.
These girls are my safe zone.
They are my company when i need them.

 But through senior year i have also faced a lot of tears, fears, hate and anger.
i have been hurt by people i would have never in a million years would i have guessed they'd be on the other end of such hurtful things. I have been lied to and made fun of by people who used to be the first i would call in the moment of trouble. I have been fooled by guys i believed to be genuine. But through all of that i just am realizing that God is showing me that he works in mysterious ways.
He loves me unconditionally and when i don't give him back the love he deserves i tend to lose sight of what is important.  I forget who God made me to be.
I am the girl who laughs the loudest.
I am the girl who cries too often. 
I am the girl who prays about everything.
I am the girl who loves surprises.
I am the girl who hates suspense.
I am the girl who is blunt.
I am the girl who will call you out.
I am the girl who admits her flaws. 
I am the girl who hides out of fear
I am the girl who speaks out of hurt.
I am the girl who trusts everyone.
I am the girl who loses faith too easily.

I am the girl who God made me to be; take it or leave it.