Get to the hart of it

He's the one i call when im crying.

The voice over the line, it's comforting. 

He's the one who cracks a joke at anything, 

his laugh, it makes me smile. 

He's the one that made me think differently. 

his love for God is overwhelming.

He's the one who never judges, after all, 

Every saint has a past&every sinner has a future. 

A blank text has been open for at least an hour. 

I left my phone, started pacing

back and forth, 

back and forth. 

Start to type in "im sorry"

I change my mind and hit the END key. 

He's the one i don't know how to talk to,

but once i start, i can not stop. 

He's the one i think of first, 

the one i miss the most. 

He's the one who calms me down, 

even when im set on rage. 

He's the one that will read this, 

the one that's smiling now. 

He's the one im blessed to have,

the one thats far away. 

space bar confessions

im a broken record and i know that.i get hurt by the same things and i fall in the same holes.
I trip over nothing and i cry over everything. there has always been someone though who has made me feel safe; there has always been a safe haven with one individual.
19.
i'm sorry for my rants. i'm sorry for my tears. for all the drama that i pulled you through. for the anger and the cries. for the comments ive made and the mistakes i have chosen. for the fights that ive caused and the hurt ive induced. im sorry that i worry and im sorry that i panic. i know that youre here its just distance is my fear. im sorry that im open and im sorry that our talks are shorter than theyve been. im sorry for these words, i swear theyre not meant to hurt. im sorry for confusion and silly mistakes ive made.
19.
im thankful for forgiveness. for your smile and your grace. im thankful for our savior who has blessed both our fate. i thankful for our past, its made us who we are. im thankful for our memories, the smiles and the tears. im thankful for two vibrates, it means you have more to say. im thankful for miss-placed anger and the swims that follow that. im thankful for my comfort when all i am is tears.
im thankful for this # 19's so dear to me.

stay

God's timing is the best and i have to trust that.
i have to.

Vida De Mentiras

the light shown through the window bluntly breaking up the cold dark shadows
warmth slowly submerges and the fear runs to the crevice where it will hide
we all play a part of this parade of shinning glory
some of us are more bold
some of us are just too cold
when the sun gets off the clock and deep blue sky and sparkling stars take over
we're all the same just as cold as another
some are transparent, some are just better at their cover

say cheese

Have you ever just felt safe? Safe when you know that realistically you should not be;like you're in the middle of a hurricane, safe and serine. That's how i feel right now. There are so many things going on in my life right now.
 Fears.
Hopes.
Laughs.
Tears.
Everything. It's been an emotional roller coaster lately. But  God gives and God takes away.
I felt like He didn't really know what He was taking away from me. I felt robbed, hurt and so alone. I went to my friends, i went to His word & i went to Aubrey. I cried, i prayed and i came to a conclusion.
He knows. He knows my breaking points and He knows my struggles. Yes there are times where i just feel like all the weight in the world is on my shoulders, but then...then i just stop. I drown everything else out so that i can just breathe. Then i realize- He has it all under control.
In the midst of this hurt and this pain, God sent me someone.
I don't know how long they are here for but i do know that when i'm with them, im safe. I know they want the best for me and that they care.
I can't wait for the future to be my today...but at the same time, i just want to capture every moment with a Polaroid.
I am not always happy, that is the truth...but i will always be joyful.
There is strength from every wound, hope in every tear I've shed and lessons that come from everyone that's fled

And Cheers to one more year

i was thinking of what i was going to write for March 3rd. 

i could write a poem, but that's been done before. 

i could write a song, but we've done that too..

so i decided that i would pick my favorite memories and tell you why i love them; why i love her. 

Behind this flash, was a painful day. An ex had hurt me&made me feel so small.
She was there.

behind this flash, was one of the hardest days of my life; it was the day i was told  Max had close to weeks left of his life.
She was there. 

Behind this flash, was a scary movie and sweet tarts. More importantly, i have dread locks and she had come from soccer, we are all natural.
She was there. 

Behind this flash was a party we weren't sure about. We danced all night, flirted with the bartender and laughed all night.
She was there. 

Behind this flash, was a murder mystery. A night full of aliases and strange faces, the car ride home was screaming songs at our loudest and whistling to boys.
She was there. 

Behind this flash was the bathroom. Where i had just cried over a boy.
She was there.

Behind this flash was a break up...
I was there. 

Behind this flash was the island;a safe haven where all our secrets were spoken.
She was there. 

Behind this flash was a hospital trip, a 12am phone call and couches.
I was there.

Behind this flash was drama.
highschool.
she was there. 

Behind this flash was a playlist, matching parking jobs,bleach and laughter along with a scary movie.
She was there. 

Behind this flash was a hard month.
She was there. 

Behind this flash was a long talk about God and lots of laughter and tears.
She was there. 

Behind this flash was a day of hurt and a day of joy. Cuss words, tears and fears along with riding solo, dancing and  pride.
She was there. 

 

To sum of my friendship with this girl just in one blog is not realistic. 

But March 3rd is her birthday so the least i can do is try. 

i hope you know this, brad, i love you so much. i am so proud of who you are and what you stand for. I am crazy excited for 3 years from now to see where God has you and for us to turn 21(MIKES), im excited for the summer and more flashes. 

i love you&happy birthday