I'm used to hating this

I'm used to everyday's. I'm used to quick drives to your house. I'm used to conversations without words. I'm used to throwing our heads back in laughter.I'm used to Java. I'm used to inside jokes. I'm used to unexpected trips and I'm used to turning around and seeing you.

It's so different without you.
It's harder than i thought.
It's lonely.
It's a test of my endurance.
It's a little more than i thought it was going to be.

I hate texting. I hate letters. I hate counting down. I hate having to explain myself. I hate having to record my day and sending it to you. I hate 9 different states and i hate where you are.

I am jealous of Hollister.
I am jealous of people who have you every day.
I am jealous of that passenger seat.
And am jealous of that stupid sun visor.
But
I believe in December 14th.
I believe one month of us.
I believe in sushi dates.
I believe in the trips we will take to Gilroy.
I believe in matching outfits.
I believe in too many pictures.
I believe in beach trips and long nights.

I ask God why it hurts so much. I ask God why it is taking so long. I ask Him what the point is.
& it's clear to me

He's teaching me that December is the definition of Grace.