Perfectly okay

my vision blurred & it was difficult to breathe. 

"Control" is a foreign idea to me these days. 

Moving. Mourning. Adjusting. Consoling. Healing. Growing. 

A lot.

Balance and honesty without self-induced isolation. 

Solidarity with your emotions & allowing everything to come and go as it must. 

Writing. Reading. Crying. Talking. Thinking. Hoping. 

It all. 

I laced up my shoes & started down the ally. Channeling emotion productively is something Dondre taught me. My black Nikes hit the concrete one after another & I felt entirely alone. 

There was silence through my headphones & then these words drifted through

"When the pieces seem too shattered

To gather off the floor

And all that really matters

Is that I can't feel You anymore

Is that I don't feel You anymore

I need a reason to sing"

Again, it was difficult to breathe. 

Being scared & worried & isolated & hurt...being all of these things, when really I can't find anything to matter. The fact that i matter to the One who has the whole World in His hands, that matters. 

& it's okay that it's difficult to breathe. 

It's perfectly okay.