Monday, June 29, 2015

Nothing means so much

yesterday i sat in a movie theater and watched The Rock skydive into AT&T park and save his family from the biggest recorded earthquake ever.
i sat beside beautiful C. we went to breakfast together & then i made her come to the grocery store with me.
it was a good distraction. we talked about crushes and split ends, work & how i am a bad driver. nothing.
As i sat in the green chair eating pink Sour Punch Straws i watched all of California get completely destroyed. as the story continued the skyline of destruction moved to San Francisco. i set my snacks on the floor and silently allowed tears to hit my thighs exposed in my holey jeans. i hate this city. i hate this skyline. those buildings and roads. colorful houses and one way streets. i hate it all. as the plot thickened i stopped crying, i guess The Rock was a good distraction. C and i kept a running commentary and i am sure that the other patrons were thrilled with our input.
after the movie and groceries i dropped C off and cried all the way home.
we are all at different stages at life.
we all need a love that is on fire. authentic. real.
but we also all need time to just heal. to not be okay.
after all the groceries were away & i had tried to eat something healthy, my kelly came over.
i made coffee and we sat in the kitchen.
we talked about ex's and the future and fear & how i just wanted to be done with school.
heavier nothingness.
betsy joined us and our laughter was too loud so we relocated to the living room.
mitchell wandered in & at was soon 11:30pm.


yesterday was full of a lot of purposeful nothingness. watching the city that wrecked my life get destroyed was so healing. i have a serious hatred built up toward the home of the Giants and watching tsunamis & quakes cause it to be ground 0 was therapeutic. I'm learning the importance of seeing the emotions your feel. see what you're swimming through & be okay with the fight. make lists. have accomplishments. get ahead in your summer school class. embrace. 
write. 
love.
& see the value in sweet nothings  

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