For Max & Esther

The smell of freshly baked cookies as you walk through the living room door, packing your bags for a weekend at Grandma’s, getting homemade pajamas for Christmas, looking up to the stands and seeing your number one fan cheering you on, hugs that have the power to take away any kind of hurt and most of all a love that will outlast any drought that life puts you through. I missed out on all of these things. Before I was born my grandmother was taken from me. She was taken by something that I have a deep hatred for: Cancer .Not only did it take my grandmother away but I also lost my eight year old cousin as well. I have grown up without a grandma and now I lost one of my cousins, these two people and their absence has hurt me deeper than I can explain.

Despite this hurt though I have found strength. Even though I did not know my Grandmother I know that she would be proud of me and of who I have become. I look at her pictures; listen closely when grandfather talks about his, “Juliet” trying to capture a part of her and what she believed in, what she stood for. From what I have heard, she was a fighter. She was bold. She was independent. She was love. My Grandmother was a mother of four children who she showered them with her love daily. According to my grandfather she was a house-wife only so that she could make sure that her kids “had someone to come home to and someone on fighting for them”. She had spunk, but also was modest. She is everything that I hope to be. Living without a Grandmother has been tough, I’ve been blessed to have a best friend with amazing Grandparents who have “adopted me” but it is not the same. No one can replace her and no one ever will.

Even though it has been a rough road I am thankful to the effects cancer has had on me. I am a much stronger person due to caner and it has taught me to love louder right now than waiting to love. Not only have I lost my Grandmother but just months ago I lost my little cousin, Max. He had leukemia and lost his 6 yearlong battle in May. I have never been so hurt, never felt so along, and never been so sad. But losing Max has had a positive effect on me, just like losing my Grandma. What should have been T-ball, Monster trucks, pirates and Lego's was turned into Chemotherapy, Dr. trips and IV's. Max's life was changed drastically and in turn so was mine. Max is a daily inspiration to try my hardest. In his last months of Chemotherapy he refused to stay in bed, he went to T-ball practices, played in the games and lived his life to the fullest.

I refuse to let the loss of Max and my Grandma hold me back. Yes it hurts, it hurts very much. But I know that they both would want me to push myself. To be the best I can. So due to them I am perusing a 4 year college and a Masters in Social Work. Cancer has hurt me, it has wounded me to say the least, but I will use that hurt to fuel my passion for life, just as they both did.