stream of consciousness as a senior

I got my nails done today & wore a dress to work. I feel like I look like an adult yet all my insides scream a deep seeded desire to be in high school. I got sick last night and wanted my mom. Happy birthday, Norma. I did homework with my best friend today and we didn't exchange more than 40 words. Someone told me today they appreciated his & my friendship. I cried on the way home because he's changed my world. I need him and his reminders to be stronger than I'm acting & braver than my fear. I was uncomfortable tonight. Mainly because I had a meeting where the fact I'm a senior was brought to my attention. I lost my appetite then craved a latte. Maybe being an adult means it's okay to eat a whole jar of Salsa Con Queso in one sitting. Or to know all the lyrics to too many Drake songs. Maybe that's just what keeps me sane. I slouch too often & wish I had whiter teeth. I can't remember the last time I wore jeans and that makes me sad. Again. Screaming for high school rather than dress pants. Someone on the same floor of the library as me wore your cologne. You were my first boy friend and back then I hated the gym. You would laugh if you knew me now. I still miss you. Or maybe just high school. Dinner is cold pizza & coffee. I don't wash my face & I'm on season 4 of The Office...my third time this year. Sleeping till 8am is sleeping in and i haven't made my bed all week. Sorry Betsy.  I need to do yoga & I regret blow drying my hair. I day dreamed I was still dating an ex. Time, they said. That's all I needed. I think they've never lost something if they think all that is needed is time. Hurting people hurts your soul too. I need to remember to floss more often & pray out loud.

I got my nails done today & wore a dress to work. 

I miss high school & not feeling like an adult. 

But I'm in love with the life I have, graduated from high school and all.