To This Day

Around a year ago, I lost my little cousin, Max. He had leukemia and lost his 6 yearlong battle in May 2011.

I have never been so hurt, never felt so alone, and never been so sad.

nevertheless losing Max has had a positive effect on me.

What should have been T-ball, Monster trucks, pirates and Lego's was turned into Chemotherapy, Dr. trips and IV's.

Sometimes i forget about the hurt and the pain my family went through. I forget about the loss and the deep emptiness. But when it hits me- it hits me like a ton of bricks. It hit me tonight. I couldnt stop crying. 

When i think about how hard it must be for my aunt and for my uncle, i just break. 

I love those two people with all of my heart. I love them to the point where i just hurt for them. But what i do know and what i do feel is pure admiration. 

Those two people, beyond a shadow of a doubt are my heroes. 

We don't talk, i don't see them very often but that does not matter. 

I love them so much and i am so proud of them and so excited to see where God is taking them. 

I just sometimes don't know how to feel about this all. 

I guess you could say that i am angry...angry that life is so short- that we are just a fleeting moment. But im also mad at myself. Im mad that i don't take advantage of the time God has given me here.Max's life was changed drastically and in turn so was mine. Max is a daily inspiration to try my hardest, live to the fullest and to thank God for every day.