Friday, November 8, 2013

i love you

i gasped for breath and repeated "dear Lord" for the 4th time.
walking back and forth in my room, my steps wearing through the thin, blue carpet.
starting my prayer over again i tried to gain composure.
licking my lips, the salt stings my tongue,i forgot how much it hurt to cry...
to the point where your stomach refuses to intake
and your mind cant follow it's own thoughts.
it is self destruct when it comes to conclusions.
worst case scenarios and the three words that mean goodbye.
grinding my teeth i hit send and swallow the hurt and confusion.
the prayer that has lasted hours is keeping me sane.
i cant even form a sentence but all i need is to find dependance.
distractions and nightmares leave me awake till the stars are bright.
every hour i hear my alarm, no new news.
i fall in and out of sleep.
i imagine her mother.
her dad and sister.
then salvation is real.
He is real.
because there is no way that this, this pain and this fear, could ever be handled without Him. 
after you are faced with the chance of no tomorrow
your todays look so much brighter. 
your grasp on reality is taken and drowned in your tears.
you're spit out with everything you thought you knew
is stripped from you.
naked and immature.
your need for Him is real.
He is real.
hurt is prevalent and it stings.
say the 3 words.
even when they cause you to weep.
mean them.
then say them. 

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